Love, Lust, Desire,and Lies.

Love, lust desires and lies which one is which? You thing u know the meaning but when you get caught up I'm a wind of confusion and questions invade your mind its hard to tell which one is which. Or was, or the position u find yourself in. All relationships end with the being of one sentence. "I thought...". That being true, its always evident in the end that u had no idea what you were getting into in the first place or dealing with. You blindly followed your emotions and not you analytical brian. Can you honestly decipher love from lust? Strong desire from lies? To find what's true you need all of these components yet if the foundation is not built on the right complex formula your relationship will fail. As do more than 50% of marriages in America. How many little white lies does it take to screw in a light bulb or keep up a relationship? Don't you have to strongly desire your other? Its what you desire in, or from your other that is key. In the beginning, there was only lust and it was good. Lust is a phaze, once satisfied it quickly fades away. It wasn't love at first sight, it was lust. Fools gold. Then when all of these things overwhelm us, we call it love. Why? Haven't we seen enough Dr .Phil, Montel and Jerry to see where mis identification gets us. Are we that desperate to accept artificial interest as genuine feelings of love? Analogy: Its just like when your at the hair salon and hustle man comes in with all his "authentic stolen goods" and everything is half off original price. Your tempted, but you know thats not how you should shop for the finer things in life. You know that some how it loses its true value and aura if you achieve those expensive shoes or bag on a come-up, and not by hard work and sweating as you make your way to Nordstroms. Plus your forever skeptical of the so called "authentic" nature of hustle mans goods. You wish you could believe that lie with all your heart, it would take some of the pressure off. (Mistake nuber one: wanting to believe the unbelievable. Lies.) Other women in the store start to look, your friends don't have the same standards as you. Now your the only one. You eventually give in with the promise of just a glance over the items offered. ( Mistake number two: Giving into your desires.) Here he comes with the smooth talk, slow but fast! The price is right. This got your name on it. Just for you, that one was the kill shot.( Lust) "I'll take it". You hand over your hard earn money for what looks like the real thing. You decide to believe the hype. (LOVE) You desired that bag, you lusted for that bag, you lied to yourself or I should say ignored your better judgement. You loved that bag. Until you got it home! Now your calm again, its just you in the house, you and your new Louis Vuitton bag. "Please God let this thing be real" it better be, because I just spent half the rent. You go into the bathroom light to examine and really scrutinize the bag one last time. Your independent, un influenced verification. If its real it would be worth every cent you paid hustle man in cash. You look at the handles to see if there pealing like the china town knock offs, nope! You look inside the bag, the lining is the right color and the paper work is in the pocket. Yes! I think I have a winner here. Stolen straight out the store as I'd hope. You hold your new baby up to the light and gleam at it with triumph and delight until you notice something not so right... Wait a minute! In the light and dark boxes on your new Damier LV bag the designer name is written, like it should be, except Louis Vuitton is spelt "Luis Vitton". Its a fake. Your emotions are now shot back to reality, you brain does this little "I told you so" number and your at a complete loss for words. You can't blame hustle man, his name is Hustle Man. You only have yourself to hold accountable. This is exactly the feeling and case when it comes to Love, lust, desire. and lies when dealing with men. When dating, aka- the careful selection of a life partner, If we are not careful to follow our brians in the begin, heed all of the rules we have come to learn via life experiences, we will continuonsly bring home fakes. If we don't stop with the ignoring of womans intuition and giving benefit of doubt, then we will be forced to analyse our mistakes in hindsight. Loser do not come with ingredient and warning labels, but they do have lose threads and clues we must set aside our emotions and use our brains to find. When they say your heartless, just say your real and not into to broken hearts. Most of the damage that is done can be avoided if we dont confuse Love, lust, desire and lies.

One.

Im feeling so disappointed right now. Or just some kinda way. I just need one person in my life that i can believe in, count on, love and trust. Just one. I have family that gives me so much love, but is it really impossible to find one stranger in ths world that you can share your world with? Homicide is high, divorce is high, world poverty and crime is high. I plan on traveling the world at some point and hopefully sooner than later. I want to see the art, the old cities, and wittness history, but in my travels Im mostly excited to meet new people, not just new people but different people. I want to know more than just people with that New York state of mind. Im from a different place. In Barbados, its customary for you to greet a stranger. If you can make eye contact, you can say hello. I love that. Going back home is a bit of fresh air for me. I like the kind faces and the humble breezes. The sun shines on the poor like is does on the rich. The rain simply washes away your sin and you can see the world end at the feet of the distant ocean. I need to meet just one. Im not cut out for the ordinary. I need the extrodinary. I have to keep hope alive because if i dont then all hope is lost and i'll be unhappy forever. I like people and i love family. I enjoy talking with old, because they have so much wisdom to offer. Mr. Went was super old, and a little cooky but he made his point. "Its good to have friends, but not fri-ends!" I wanted to laugh when he told me this, but i was young. Now i still laugh at it but i now understand what he meant. I would like just one. One that can give me all that i will give them. I can act cold and ignorant, but i get tired of been like that. I wasnt raised in Brooklyn, I never lived in the Projects. I never had food stamps and my family never recieved public assistance. The men in my family tote guns, but their law enforcement. My whole family lived with in one block. I was raised in a 2 parent home. No one ever went to jail or even got arrested. We had one big family, and shared one big love. I lived a shelter life under my parents supervision. So naturally im a Dolphin. And im proud of it. Im not better than anyone im not cut from very fine cloth. I would like just one. One true friend, one true love, one successful career and one family of my own so i can enjoy my one life. Is that to much to ask? I must say, My mother was right. Im mixing with too much common ghetto trash at my current job and its begining to wear on my personality and spirit. I wish to surround myself with blooming open minds. I can honestly say without a pinch of arrogance that there is absolutely nothing positive anyone at my job can teach me about life, except about how not to trust or be to kind to people. Thats very sad. When theres no more to learn, its time to move on. Im no saint, so im nobodys fool. My kindness is far from weakness. I just know when people arrent worth the fight. I really dont see it as being used or played, i see it as God allowing me to be the one to help you at that moment in time. And the favor will be returned in this life or the next. There so much more i can say or feelings i could express, but it all comes down to one. I need just one. Just one to keep my faith in the goodness of people alive.

Clean Slate

So im turning a new leaf. Cleaning closet so to speak. Theres some things i got to get off my chest. Some feelings i need to put to rest.


Im through entertain the thought of loving you. You have a wifey. She's not nearly as beautiful as me but some how I know she suits you and I have to live with that. The last time we were together will be the last time. Because truth of the matter is...I cant take being that close to you and not having all of you. Knowing you want me as bad as you do but you made your bed, and it only fits two. Sneaking around, late night creeps, our chance at love past too long ago to be regained. I cant be your love on the side, I have to carry on with my life. You know how territorial taurus can get. Just please show my request some respect. Friends is all we can be. No benefits, just laughs and old times. I will forget that we ever crossed that little red line.

I really do love you...but im not in love with you. I think maybe one day i might could be, but i cant force my life in a direction thats not truely meant for me. You really dont now how much i care about you. I would spend every free moment with you. It wouldnt be fair to you though. I know you cant be around me that much and not grow too attached. Your an awsome sexy man and you should know that I think your a catch. Sounds corny, but I think i'll just let things be. Plus the scars are too many to overlook. Forgiving but not forgot. Im so happy that were as close as we are. I thought us was over. This thing we got going on right now means the world to me. I love you so much. I think you have a life long friend in me.

You are an emotional rollercoaster. I honestly dont know what im gonna do with you. I day dream of marriage, babies and constant arguements with you. Its not all bad. I kind of like it. Thats is how i know im crazy in love with you. When I can look forward to the bad times just as much as the good times, it only reassures me that we can make it through. I love your mind, and i also have an advanced understanding of it. Thats a little scary too. I know you cant help but pull a fast one every now and then. I have a bad temper. I dont know if i can maintain unders those kind of circumstances. Knowing these things going in, makes me think if im stupid or a glutton for punishment? I dont know, but your like crack cocaine and i cant kick this 8 year addiction. I told you what I felt. You know what I need. Im over what happened before.


This is where I stand with you 3....I love you all but the book is about me. Consider my slate clean!

Its Simply Sickening

Its just sickening. Get a room. Go some where i cant see you.

Its been so long but, it feels just like yesterday. I touched you, i smelt you, and i could feel you deep inside of me. I see you in the distance but i cant make my way to you right now. Theres too many obstacles, and people imitating you right now. Im not ready. The memory of your warmth is what keeps me going on. Its no secret that i need you. I try to live my day to day life without you. But i know the time is coming when im going to have you. In the mean time i cant stand to see other people with you. Its simply sickening. Public displays of affection should but outlawed. Its simply sickening. Holding hands should be outlawed. Its simply sickening. Dont stare all misty eyed. Its simply sickening. I cant stand to see people in love, its simply sickening. Stop all the cuddling and shit. Dont brush her hair and dont bite his lip. She been working all day, dont rub her feet. His tired and hungry, dont make him dinner, order in him something to eat. Stop running that bath water, leave the trash and the dishes in the sink. Dont iron his shirt and fly off at the mouth with out stopping to think. Dont wash his car and dont put gas in her tank. Dont buy her no shoes, dont put money in his bank. Stop all this love crap. Its simply sickening.
As the sky turns dark and im alone with more of my thoughts i find whats even more sickening. This hurts but the truth is, Im in love with the idea of being in love. I miss the warmth of an embrace, a kiss and a hug. I keep a special place in my bed, a vacancy for love. I have this hunger thats never fed. Diamonds, shoes and food are the artificial version of big red. Theres nothing out there like it, to never love again, i'd rather be dead. There were times that i wanted to feel you so bad i settled for less than i should off. Its simply sickening. Its a 4 letter word that drives me insane. The rush i get from being in love is similar to the feeling of take off on a plane. I honestly miss you soo bad and cant wait to have you again. Its simply sickening.
Beautiful Memoirs