Just Beautiful and Silence

Im so done with it... im going underground. Im being very nice and its wearing me thin now. Men are stupid, just throw rocks at them. Sometimes a woman needs to know where she stands with a man. Its never smart to rush into things but its not bad to know where you are in this mans mind. This way you can avoid hurting yourself and him by accident or failure to communicate intensions. So last night was a Silent night. The night started off rough but it soon smooth out. What could have been a catastrophy was avioded by open conversation between two souls. (Random thought: I remember what its like to be in love when im with you. To tell the truth i've been a bitch to many that came after you. I feel like im your woman when im with you. I can take off my trousers and let my hair down when im next to you. Your brain is powerfull and i have respect for you, thats why when i get upset i take shit to the next level. Let me know if im wrong for still feeling this stronge, but i can disconnect if your not ready for me to be this into you. Sorry but there no inbetween. Another 8 years and i wont forgive you. This couldnt be healthy for me or for you. I never been much of a health freak so fuck it, im gonna see this through.) A simple question can have mutipul answers all of which i pre-consider. But truth be told you always know which one you hope to hear. Im well aware that your a man and will think like a man. I know your some kinda freak. Of course you want a threesome. I just didnt know you would actually be willing to have one with me. Let me explain... Having a 3way is cool, but you know im an equal opportunist so you said i could have one with you and another guy to be fair. You didnt notice that at no point and time did i say or imply that i would be willing to have one with you. Reason is... Im fine with 3way action, not really interested in it but i get the whole excitment thing behind it. I understand its really a guy thing. Cool. But most men save their wild escapades for their piece, boo, side chick or a random hoe, not their love, she usually off limits. You tripped on me just hours ago about giving away what you felt was yours. So to be clear on what i was hearing, because i was a little puzzled and on my way to upset. I hit you with my purse. It started out as a playful tap but somewhere mid swing it hit me and i was mad at you! The tap turned to a beating sponsered by Louis Vuitton. I had to be clear. "So you can actually be there and stand to watch another man pipe me?" your response.. "Yeah." that was it.... there is no circumstance you can find to make that exceptable to me. I honestly believe that when you love someone, really love that somebody, you could never voluntarily watch somebody else do the intimate things that you use to do with them. Its inhumane to me. I was mad because i could never sit there and see you be that way with Jane Doe. Under no circumstances or regulations would i ever agree to it. I love you too much to have that image tattooed in my memory.... for nothing more than the opportunity to have my turn at a 3way without smite. Selfish? I dont know. Not truely in love with me, or just not in the same way, or not on the same level? I dont know. Either way i feel alone. I felt alone since last night. I realized that im not easy, im complicated, and happy about it. My complicated layers only keep out the unworthy. I take your answer and live with it. Im not mad at you anymore!!! Im a big girl so im fine. You cant take it back or explain it away. You sat Silently only concerned with weather i was mad at you or not. You never stopped to analyze what you said back at the store or the meaning of it. Or maybe you did. I dont know. Either way it was a reality check for me. It was one of those stupid test that stupid people in love do just to find out how in love their partner is with them. The test always tells the truth. You failed. Miserably. Should you have lied... No. Because that would only mask our differences for a limited time. Its better we know more now than later. As to the sex... what you do is your decission and business. I wont ask any questions. Im done with the questions. Last night i also asked you "what about us?" you said its just Beautiful and Silence. What more is there to say.