Here we go again...
Monday, November 24, 2008
In Kissing Range
Narrator: A serge of emotions, rushing of blood. Our body temperature rises. Its so hot in here, or is it just us? We been picturing this moment from the time we layed eyes. How would it start, where would it happen? Will it be as soft and right as we both imagine? Theres a sexual tention in this space, the four walls arent moving but some how im 2 inches from his face. Im looking down but i know the moment is coming. Its inevitable, we both really want it. But we wait. Its important that mentally were in the same place. Something too small, yet its a grand ole event. Places people, Places! The lights dim. Everyone is in their seat. Silence. You could hear your own heart beat. The orchestra starts to play, A classical tune, soft and fall sweet. Two actors take the stage. A man and a women, background scene, in a car parked on her street. This is Act Two. In act one they first meet, they met at a friends house, played card games and had drinks. When the party was done, they talked with each other from night till dawn on this very same street. They spoke of old times, life goals and past lovers. The conversation was whitty and slick comments coy, but the flirting was obvious. And it was also obvious that girl liked boy. A tickle lead to a nibble that lead to a lick of one single finger. She thought to herself this could be trouble if i decide to linger. Its 7am, I have to go! I'd like to see you again. AND SCENE! A week later they're in the same place, in a car parked on her street. Act two, PLACES PEOPLE, PLACES! Shes 2 inches from his face. SCENE! Narrator: I want to kiss her. I want him to kiss me. Tell me how did I end up this close to his lips please. They're in kissing range, but she speaks...she said "dont kiss me" and he doesn't... so this story will be continued in Act Three.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Charity Case
Charity...
My girl says i keep picking up charity cases.... Whats a charity case? A charity case is a man that seems to show potential but not enough for some women to work with. I disagree with her. I don't pick up charity cases, I'm just attracted to a certain type of man. I like intelligent, educated men, men that respect women and themselves; men with ambition and goals, and dreams that don't included 50 cent or Jay-z. I like men that have a career or at least one in mind. I like men that don't have children and crazy ex-girlfriends, baggage free. Men that understand the essentials of a productive life and what a decent woman needs. Now with taste like that i cant date the typical rift- raff thats constantly laying in my way as i drive these NY street daily. I just think i have an eye for diamonds in the rough. I don't track through slums looking for love, lol, i just happen to notice the camouflaged guys. I see things that other women my age don't see. I'm not dazzled by a man with mad bling but a man with a pearly white smile can definitely catch my eye. I can easily spot a dude that blends into the crowd. I know how to spot a gentleman. There usually in the shadows taking it easy, not somewhere pouring champagne on models. Lol Through my own coming of age, i can see when there's a story that might be worth knowing or a man with potential, maybe he just needs a new wardrobe. I got that. I'm not perfect so I'm not looking for perfection, just someone that complements me well. I'm so over they broke P. Diddys of the world. You know the type, flashy guys that stand out in a crowd, the ones with all the “swagg”. Not that i don't like them, it's just that many of them don't try anymore. They feel that their gods gift to women and they don't have to offer a women anything more than sex and bubble gum and she should just be happy to show him off to her girlfriends. Thats just not cutting it for me. That worked for me when i was in middle school and high school and didn't know my self- worth but I'm a young lady now, and i have matured enough to know good looks don't sustain a promising relationship. Not that being physical attractive is now irrelevant, because looks are still a factor in my decision making process, but it just doesn't make or break a deal like it did before. My standards have gone way up, an the requirements for my attention have gotten more advanced. Im not trying to date for all eternity, i eventually would like a husband and a family. I've dated the Fabuloso's and Jiggas in the past, some of those relationships were good and some not so good, but when my heart got broken it took a so-called “lame” to fix it and thats what really opened my eyes to a whole other class of men. Since then i have been further exploring this class looking for a happy median of both worlds. These overlooked men deserve a second glance. It's just like shopping at Century 21 or DSW, in these discount designer stores you dont just look on the front shelves for a bargin, but you dig and look in the cracks for a real find! You know the last pair of designer jeans that someone else tried to hide till they come back.... Yes I've made the mistake of dating a dud or two, but i have also been lucky enough to date some very interesting and classy men. I guess its a trial and error kinda thing. That is the purpose of dating right? To find out what works best for you. So right now, at this point in my life, i love “charity cases”! Last time I checked God likes charity doers so either way I'm in the black with him( a little market talk for you). Lol .... And maybe if I do enough charity work he'll reward me with a well balanced man thats right for me!
My girl says i keep picking up charity cases.... Whats a charity case? A charity case is a man that seems to show potential but not enough for some women to work with. I disagree with her. I don't pick up charity cases, I'm just attracted to a certain type of man. I like intelligent, educated men, men that respect women and themselves; men with ambition and goals, and dreams that don't included 50 cent or Jay-z. I like men that have a career or at least one in mind. I like men that don't have children and crazy ex-girlfriends, baggage free. Men that understand the essentials of a productive life and what a decent woman needs. Now with taste like that i cant date the typical rift- raff thats constantly laying in my way as i drive these NY street daily. I just think i have an eye for diamonds in the rough. I don't track through slums looking for love, lol, i just happen to notice the camouflaged guys. I see things that other women my age don't see. I'm not dazzled by a man with mad bling but a man with a pearly white smile can definitely catch my eye. I can easily spot a dude that blends into the crowd. I know how to spot a gentleman. There usually in the shadows taking it easy, not somewhere pouring champagne on models. Lol Through my own coming of age, i can see when there's a story that might be worth knowing or a man with potential, maybe he just needs a new wardrobe. I got that. I'm not perfect so I'm not looking for perfection, just someone that complements me well. I'm so over they broke P. Diddys of the world. You know the type, flashy guys that stand out in a crowd, the ones with all the “swagg”. Not that i don't like them, it's just that many of them don't try anymore. They feel that their gods gift to women and they don't have to offer a women anything more than sex and bubble gum and she should just be happy to show him off to her girlfriends. Thats just not cutting it for me. That worked for me when i was in middle school and high school and didn't know my self- worth but I'm a young lady now, and i have matured enough to know good looks don't sustain a promising relationship. Not that being physical attractive is now irrelevant, because looks are still a factor in my decision making process, but it just doesn't make or break a deal like it did before. My standards have gone way up, an the requirements for my attention have gotten more advanced. Im not trying to date for all eternity, i eventually would like a husband and a family. I've dated the Fabuloso's and Jiggas in the past, some of those relationships were good and some not so good, but when my heart got broken it took a so-called “lame” to fix it and thats what really opened my eyes to a whole other class of men. Since then i have been further exploring this class looking for a happy median of both worlds. These overlooked men deserve a second glance. It's just like shopping at Century 21 or DSW, in these discount designer stores you dont just look on the front shelves for a bargin, but you dig and look in the cracks for a real find! You know the last pair of designer jeans that someone else tried to hide till they come back.... Yes I've made the mistake of dating a dud or two, but i have also been lucky enough to date some very interesting and classy men. I guess its a trial and error kinda thing. That is the purpose of dating right? To find out what works best for you. So right now, at this point in my life, i love “charity cases”! Last time I checked God likes charity doers so either way I'm in the black with him( a little market talk for you). Lol .... And maybe if I do enough charity work he'll reward me with a well balanced man thats right for me!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Sex and Therapy
Why is it that men make a conscious decision to do wrong? We say Stop! Think about it! Men Stop think.... and still screw up! I think there's a disconnection in the control center some where.
Is it that hard to do right. There are a few ways to make doing right just as easy as doing wrong. I think its called pure honesty. It works. Ofcourse there are some side effects to the method but if you commit to it, it can work for you... not trap you n a cold dark conner with a mirrow and a wine bottle called truth. Since when did it become custome for a curtain call to include moral rehabilition? It wasn't that long ago that we had to fight for the right to cuddle, now the flood gates are open and men want to not only talk our ears off, but they have the ordasity to want clarity. Is that fair? Just as we women find the courage to evolve with the times and find sexual liberation, emotional isolation, and pride in just gettin ours...they want more. When we wanted more, more wasnt on the table, more was a deal breaker. Things have definitely changed, but some things are still the same. The tables are appearently turning in our direction, but is this going to work? So we eventually take it there. Fireworks and promise in my head but that idea is shortly terminated with a badly timed confession. " I have a girlfriend". Are you kinding me... is it me or could he have kept that one to himself? Why did he feel it necessary to disclose that bit of information at that time? Could that be a sign of the exsistance of a conscious? So ofcourse i inquire as to why he would pursue me so intensely and lead me on to believe there was a genuin connection. But the answer is obvious and so tipical. You see this is what happens when you bring sand home from the beach ! But lucky for me i kept his name under the same file in which we met, Summer yummy. Ladies at the end of summer any left over man is purly a bonus! So the news that could have been a breath taking blow was merely an after thought in which i decided to have fun with. He went on to tell me about this girlfriend of his, and how he couldnt understand why he couldnt resist doing what he did, althought he was relatively sure that if she ever found out she would dump him and not take him back. I figured this moment of ramblin and soul searching was clearly for him seeing as how i didnt asked he to explain his self. He did say that when we met he was single and they recently got back together to imply he never lied to me. I could have cared less either way but what made him a must do for me was the fact that it was simply just unfinished business from MIA. I met Ryan while i was on vacation in the hook up capital of the world, Ryan served his only purpose in my life that night...thanks to emotional isolation and sexual liberation. But this is Brooklyn, N.Y and i could'nt help but feel a hint of dissapointment. The fact that he was still a character in this crazy soap i called my life after the summer open season only led me to begin actually liking him, and taking our time together more seriously. Day dreaming of having a promising relationship. Isnt that what we all strive for? We dont date just to kill time. A date is nothing more than an elaborate interview for a companion. Someone to fill the fulltime position. But Ryan was taken...or was he? He still wants to see me...Confused! I told him the solution to his problem of being attracted to me and liking her was honesty. And honestly he need to be single because he was obviously not ready to be in a commited relationship. Honesty equals happy...for atleast me.
Is it that hard to do right. There are a few ways to make doing right just as easy as doing wrong. I think its called pure honesty. It works. Ofcourse there are some side effects to the method but if you commit to it, it can work for you... not trap you n a cold dark conner with a mirrow and a wine bottle called truth. Since when did it become custome for a curtain call to include moral rehabilition? It wasn't that long ago that we had to fight for the right to cuddle, now the flood gates are open and men want to not only talk our ears off, but they have the ordasity to want clarity. Is that fair? Just as we women find the courage to evolve with the times and find sexual liberation, emotional isolation, and pride in just gettin ours...they want more. When we wanted more, more wasnt on the table, more was a deal breaker. Things have definitely changed, but some things are still the same. The tables are appearently turning in our direction, but is this going to work? So we eventually take it there. Fireworks and promise in my head but that idea is shortly terminated with a badly timed confession. " I have a girlfriend". Are you kinding me... is it me or could he have kept that one to himself? Why did he feel it necessary to disclose that bit of information at that time? Could that be a sign of the exsistance of a conscious? So ofcourse i inquire as to why he would pursue me so intensely and lead me on to believe there was a genuin connection. But the answer is obvious and so tipical. You see this is what happens when you bring sand home from the beach ! But lucky for me i kept his name under the same file in which we met, Summer yummy. Ladies at the end of summer any left over man is purly a bonus! So the news that could have been a breath taking blow was merely an after thought in which i decided to have fun with. He went on to tell me about this girlfriend of his, and how he couldnt understand why he couldnt resist doing what he did, althought he was relatively sure that if she ever found out she would dump him and not take him back. I figured this moment of ramblin and soul searching was clearly for him seeing as how i didnt asked he to explain his self. He did say that when we met he was single and they recently got back together to imply he never lied to me. I could have cared less either way but what made him a must do for me was the fact that it was simply just unfinished business from MIA. I met Ryan while i was on vacation in the hook up capital of the world, Ryan served his only purpose in my life that night...thanks to emotional isolation and sexual liberation. But this is Brooklyn, N.Y and i could'nt help but feel a hint of dissapointment. The fact that he was still a character in this crazy soap i called my life after the summer open season only led me to begin actually liking him, and taking our time together more seriously. Day dreaming of having a promising relationship. Isnt that what we all strive for? We dont date just to kill time. A date is nothing more than an elaborate interview for a companion. Someone to fill the fulltime position. But Ryan was taken...or was he? He still wants to see me...Confused! I told him the solution to his problem of being attracted to me and liking her was honesty. And honestly he need to be single because he was obviously not ready to be in a commited relationship. Honesty equals happy...for atleast me.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Parolee
Parolee:
True Love never dies. Thats one life lesson i learned the old fashion way. After so many years i thought you forgot all about me. Who knew that you would still be thinking of 15 year old me. So after 9 years we meet again. Did you know that you were my first true love. My first everything. Its funny because my family said you was too old for me and that you would only use me. I still cant say weather they were right or wrong. We disconnected in 1999. You found me through myspace in dec2007. It was a sensitive time in my life. 4 months out of a 2 year relationship. My heart was broken. You took me to your families new years eve party. I loved reminicing on old times with you! The love we had was some how still there... It blew my mind that you had not changed one bit. Still silly, stil loving and soo fucking real. Your personality was a mirrored image of mine. so strong and determined. conversation was exciting with you. something i havent felt in a long time. you stimulated my mind! And that state time did your body so right... Damn! We kissed. You told me i was the one, your wife, but you needed time to get shit right. I believed you. You told me you had a 5 year old son. I said thats not exactly how i pictured our family but i woud be honored to be your childs stepmom. Things got serious and really fast. Soon I felt us spinning out of controll. feelings grew so fast because of our history but were adults now. You left me for jail and i tured in to a women. I guess 2008 was the closure we both needed. I know today is my babys off day, and i missed my flight to London this morning so Flatbush Ave here i come. I said go down stairs baby, i left a package for you. You stepped out of you apartment and i yelled Surprise!!! You thought i was in London when i called but i missed my flight so now i can spend the day with my baby. You kissed me and said sorry but i gotta go to work now. I said well i still want to give you your package so lets go inside for a quick minute. you said nooo. Im running late and gotta go right now. you started down the steps but i noticed that when you came out you didnt slam shut your door so i went inside.... Damn baby i didnt think we would end like this. I said who the fuck are you? she said my name is Keisha. I said Ex girl Keisha? She said yea and who are you. I cant breath and I cant afford a case right now. With keisha sitting on your bed folding her underclothes...Keisha and I had a short but crucial chat . But the audacity of this nigga, I should crack his head wide open. I still cant breath. I left your apartment. I cant fucking breath. You chased me down the street. I jump in my car ready to peal off and you jump in my back seat and rufused to get out the car...GET THE FUCK OUT MY CAR!! i cant cry anymore. im not cut out for this shit! you said its not what it looks like so i LOL cause i heard that same story from another man b4. You said Tatiana just listen....
True Love never dies. Thats one life lesson i learned the old fashion way. After so many years i thought you forgot all about me. Who knew that you would still be thinking of 15 year old me. So after 9 years we meet again. Did you know that you were my first true love. My first everything. Its funny because my family said you was too old for me and that you would only use me. I still cant say weather they were right or wrong. We disconnected in 1999. You found me through myspace in dec2007. It was a sensitive time in my life. 4 months out of a 2 year relationship. My heart was broken. You took me to your families new years eve party. I loved reminicing on old times with you! The love we had was some how still there... It blew my mind that you had not changed one bit. Still silly, stil loving and soo fucking real. Your personality was a mirrored image of mine. so strong and determined. conversation was exciting with you. something i havent felt in a long time. you stimulated my mind! And that state time did your body so right... Damn! We kissed. You told me i was the one, your wife, but you needed time to get shit right. I believed you. You told me you had a 5 year old son. I said thats not exactly how i pictured our family but i woud be honored to be your childs stepmom. Things got serious and really fast. Soon I felt us spinning out of controll. feelings grew so fast because of our history but were adults now. You left me for jail and i tured in to a women. I guess 2008 was the closure we both needed. I know today is my babys off day, and i missed my flight to London this morning so Flatbush Ave here i come. I said go down stairs baby, i left a package for you. You stepped out of you apartment and i yelled Surprise!!! You thought i was in London when i called but i missed my flight so now i can spend the day with my baby. You kissed me and said sorry but i gotta go to work now. I said well i still want to give you your package so lets go inside for a quick minute. you said nooo. Im running late and gotta go right now. you started down the steps but i noticed that when you came out you didnt slam shut your door so i went inside.... Damn baby i didnt think we would end like this. I said who the fuck are you? she said my name is Keisha. I said Ex girl Keisha? She said yea and who are you. I cant breath and I cant afford a case right now. With keisha sitting on your bed folding her underclothes...Keisha and I had a short but crucial chat . But the audacity of this nigga, I should crack his head wide open. I still cant breath. I left your apartment. I cant fucking breath. You chased me down the street. I jump in my car ready to peal off and you jump in my back seat and rufused to get out the car...GET THE FUCK OUT MY CAR!! i cant cry anymore. im not cut out for this shit! you said its not what it looks like so i LOL cause i heard that same story from another man b4. You said Tatiana just listen....
Te Quiero
Te Quiero...
I can only give you whats left of me. It may not be as much as you want but you could have walked away from me if it wasnt enough for you.
I said Professora the spanish you teach us is only enough to pass the exam but i still cant carry a conversation with my spanish friends. She said Tatania if you really want to learn spanish you gotta get you a spanish man!2006
I cant work this Am shift anymore. Waking up at 3:30am, Its killing my social life not to mention my sleep. This bid, im going to T6PM. You always came out to all the events so we became cool. Then it was close friends, then BFFs! My nigga ! I honestly didnt know you was feeling me like that. I thought the black cherry sodas was just to be nice. I loved you for the simple things like purposely textin me in spanish so i would continue to learn. You made it your business to teach me real spanish. I was so happy about that. All my other spanish friends were always to busy for that. You had the same days off as me. Soon we were always together. But now im gettin ready for Miami carnival 07. I think i have everything i need except a black clutch....
Beautiful Memoirs...Te Quiero
I can only give you whats left of me. It may not be as much as you want but you could have walked away from me if it wasnt enough for you.
I said Professora the spanish you teach us is only enough to pass the exam but i still cant carry a conversation with my spanish friends. She said Tatania if you really want to learn spanish you gotta get you a spanish man!2006
I cant work this Am shift anymore. Waking up at 3:30am, Its killing my social life not to mention my sleep. This bid, im going to T6PM. You always came out to all the events so we became cool. Then it was close friends, then BFFs! My nigga ! I honestly didnt know you was feeling me like that. I thought the black cherry sodas was just to be nice. I loved you for the simple things like purposely textin me in spanish so i would continue to learn. You made it your business to teach me real spanish. I was so happy about that. All my other spanish friends were always to busy for that. You had the same days off as me. Soon we were always together. But now im gettin ready for Miami carnival 07. I think i have everything i need except a black clutch....
Beautiful Memoirs...Te Quiero
TCMN 4 Life
I cant stand females but these my bitches...I never thought i would build a bond with 3 girls that was this strong.
TCMN till we die! We got la dominicana: a vibrant young woman who likes to party like a rock star and keeps her men in rotation but shes also educated. First out the crew to get that expensive ass piece of paper Hofstra style! As a matter of fact i met her on the LIRR on the way to freshmen orientation week. This is some bull. I have to take the train to Long Island with all these bags, everyone way too busy to give me a ride, but thats ok. I got this. I stepped on the hempstead bound train and sat in the first open seat. Nervous but so excited. Finally im free. Cant wait to see my dorm room and i hope my room mate is black! I staired out the window alone with only my bags and my thoughts. Hey are you going to hofstra? she asked me. I looked up to see this slim, short haired brown skin girl. I said yup as you can see my bags. She said me too, where are you from? I said queens, what about you? She said wow me too! this is my mom and my name is Chloe. Well as fate would have it we spent the weekend stuck together. Starting water fights, pillow fights and stalking cute boys. We also spent the next 5 years as best friends even after hofstra. She introduced me to her homegirl Marita.
Marita was Miss Serious aka La Colombiana. She was the same age as me but so freaking mature. I guess its because she had to be for the sake of her daughter Mayana. Some how through Chloe; me and Marita clicked. Caramel skin, long wavy black hair and thick. She was also a party girl, very pretty and educated. But she kept her interest in men down to one complicated boy. We spent nights trying not to kill him for the bullshit he put her through. Especially since he only lived across the street from her. Marita became the voice of reason in our little group and her families brownstone became the headquarters for years of bonding we would do. We spent many nights walking from her house to our second home...Empire Skate. Down the block from Marita was Maritas homegirl Nicki. Ohh Boy Nicole.
Nicole was the drama princess. Miss tiny Jamaica. She stood at only 4ft. 11" and petitte. She was light skined, sexy, west indian, and weaved up! She was my type of girl, outgoing and down for the cause. Our birthdays happened to be only 2 days apart, so we became Taurus sistas. She was focused on her career in hotel management and as for her social life, well lets just say she had her pick of men. She just had a tendency to pick wrong but fione. We all had very different home lives but when we got together on a saturday night at empire our lives became the same. Girl we gotta get that step down. oooh did you see sexy in the wife beater, that nigga can skate...so you know what that means...we all lol.
These girls were my life, my sisters. I had found my bridesmaids. And that was so special to me because i was so close to getting married. I was the only one in a happily committed relationship. His name was Jay and he was my baby! We were all dedicated to being sucessful young women of color, while getting our party on. We were always there for each other through thick and thin. Advise without judgement. Support without doubt. And loyalty without betrayal... atleast thats what i thought!
Its my birthday and my baby done sweap me away to Georgetown to go on a shopping spree. This has to be the most romantic weekend ever, things been a little rough latey but i swear i love him soo much. Jay said Lets Go! I said baby im almost ready, let me shut the computer down and then we can leave. I dont remember login on to myspace today...so why is Chloes picture on this inbox? Wait! this is Jay's inbox, but what could Jay and Chloe have to message each other about? So i read on....... Man i could crack that bitches head wide open! How could she do this to me of all people, My bestfriend and my man? I expect shit from these niggas but you? A set up and yall other bitches cover that shit up? Wait till i leave D.C.... as soon as i get back to N.Y.C im gon air these bitches out!
Beautiful Memoir...TCMN 4 Life
TCMN till we die! We got la dominicana: a vibrant young woman who likes to party like a rock star and keeps her men in rotation but shes also educated. First out the crew to get that expensive ass piece of paper Hofstra style! As a matter of fact i met her on the LIRR on the way to freshmen orientation week. This is some bull. I have to take the train to Long Island with all these bags, everyone way too busy to give me a ride, but thats ok. I got this. I stepped on the hempstead bound train and sat in the first open seat. Nervous but so excited. Finally im free. Cant wait to see my dorm room and i hope my room mate is black! I staired out the window alone with only my bags and my thoughts. Hey are you going to hofstra? she asked me. I looked up to see this slim, short haired brown skin girl. I said yup as you can see my bags. She said me too, where are you from? I said queens, what about you? She said wow me too! this is my mom and my name is Chloe. Well as fate would have it we spent the weekend stuck together. Starting water fights, pillow fights and stalking cute boys. We also spent the next 5 years as best friends even after hofstra. She introduced me to her homegirl Marita.
Marita was Miss Serious aka La Colombiana. She was the same age as me but so freaking mature. I guess its because she had to be for the sake of her daughter Mayana. Some how through Chloe; me and Marita clicked. Caramel skin, long wavy black hair and thick. She was also a party girl, very pretty and educated. But she kept her interest in men down to one complicated boy. We spent nights trying not to kill him for the bullshit he put her through. Especially since he only lived across the street from her. Marita became the voice of reason in our little group and her families brownstone became the headquarters for years of bonding we would do. We spent many nights walking from her house to our second home...Empire Skate. Down the block from Marita was Maritas homegirl Nicki. Ohh Boy Nicole.
Nicole was the drama princess. Miss tiny Jamaica. She stood at only 4ft. 11" and petitte. She was light skined, sexy, west indian, and weaved up! She was my type of girl, outgoing and down for the cause. Our birthdays happened to be only 2 days apart, so we became Taurus sistas. She was focused on her career in hotel management and as for her social life, well lets just say she had her pick of men. She just had a tendency to pick wrong but fione. We all had very different home lives but when we got together on a saturday night at empire our lives became the same. Girl we gotta get that step down. oooh did you see sexy in the wife beater, that nigga can skate...so you know what that means...we all lol.
These girls were my life, my sisters. I had found my bridesmaids. And that was so special to me because i was so close to getting married. I was the only one in a happily committed relationship. His name was Jay and he was my baby! We were all dedicated to being sucessful young women of color, while getting our party on. We were always there for each other through thick and thin. Advise without judgement. Support without doubt. And loyalty without betrayal... atleast thats what i thought!
Its my birthday and my baby done sweap me away to Georgetown to go on a shopping spree. This has to be the most romantic weekend ever, things been a little rough latey but i swear i love him soo much. Jay said Lets Go! I said baby im almost ready, let me shut the computer down and then we can leave. I dont remember login on to myspace today...so why is Chloes picture on this inbox? Wait! this is Jay's inbox, but what could Jay and Chloe have to message each other about? So i read on....... Man i could crack that bitches head wide open! How could she do this to me of all people, My bestfriend and my man? I expect shit from these niggas but you? A set up and yall other bitches cover that shit up? Wait till i leave D.C.... as soon as i get back to N.Y.C im gon air these bitches out!
Beautiful Memoir...TCMN 4 Life
Im so over you!
Im not even madd about it anymore. I wish you well. As a matter of fact i would still hold you down if you needed me to because thats just who i am, and i respect what we had. Im not capable of keeping a grudge for too long. You know that, but dont get it twisted, i dont forget. You embarassed me, you made private matters public. I use to wake up with you on my mind, now i cant remember what the fight was about. Your whole exsistance is trivial. Your actions go unnoticed. Not that i dont see them, they just dont move me. The band wagon you been on is now getting old and weak. Your friends arent in your soul, because you know in your soul their not your friends. I know you want me back and your sad that we dont even speak. I know you so well i can see the truth in your eyes, so you may wanna stop stairing at me. You never really been good at hiding your emotions. Over the last few years i learned to see behind your smile. But that dont mean nothing. I digress. I finally erased all your old voice mails. I have come to the point where hearing your voice doesnt sooth me anymore. Old pictures are just that, old. The things you left behind, I gave you 30 days. its goodwills property now. Im so over you, even the jewlery you bought me is just something sparkly now. I appreciate you spending time in my life. The days were wonderful and the nights were unforgetable. God dont make no mistakes! I heard you got a new girlfriend, but shes not nearly as captivating as me. You can pay for school but you cant buy Class. You never been the type of nigga to rock the canal st. knock offs so dont start with an immitation hood version of Beautiful me.
My swaggers on a hundred thousand million....You should try to forget about me and move on because im so over you!
My swaggers on a hundred thousand million....You should try to forget about me and move on because im so over you!
Im not coming out of my room!
Im not coming out of my room. Dont knock on my door. Im not ready for the world yet or is the world not ready for me? Either way i not coming out my room!
Im not coming out my room until my parents stop arguing. I not coming out my room until i have my own apartment. Im not coming out my room untill i get a career and not a job. Im not coming out m room until i graduated for the last time. Im not coming out my room until the world changes. Im not coming out my room until my sister moves back to New York City. Im not coming out my room until I can shop like Carrie. Im not coming out my room until im honored for my natural ability to be a great friend. I not coming out of my room until i find my husband. Im not coming out of my room until im on HDTV. Im not coming out until i get my very own reality show. Im not coming out of my room until I finish my first novel. Im not coming out of my room until i lose 35lbs. Im not coming out of my room until i feel im a woman. Im not coming out of my room until i have had a childhood. Im not coming out of my room until i learn to cook like my mother. Im not coming out of my room until health care is universal. Im not coming out of my room until I can see the ocean from my front steps. Im not coming out of my room until i have a child. Im not coming out until O.J admitts he did it. Im not coming out my room until my dad is elected to a political office. Im not coming out my room until white people stop messing with wild animals. Im not coming out of my room until my mother admitts her age, her real age. Im not coming out my room until Hip Hop is alive and well. Im not comng out my room until being an attractive dark skin woman isnt a shock to people. Im not coming out my room until highly populated minority areas are not last on the list for federal aid after a natural disaster. Im not coming out until theres justice for Sean Bell. Im not coming out my room until they find out who killed Christopher Wallace. Im not coming out my room until Barack Obama is elected President of the U.S.A. I not coming out my room until i achieve my personal goals. Im not coming out my room until my family apologizes to each other. Im not coming out my room until smoking weed is legalized. Im not coming out my room until America stops expoiting smaller middle eastern countries. Im not coming out my room until a college education isnt big business. Im not coming out my room until my family has a big reunion at my granma house. Im not coming out my room until theres restitution for salery. Im not coming out my room untill I feel its safe.
But being a person of common sense, faith and wisdom....I know for all of these things to come to pass, I must come out of my room. So on that note... I got to go find something appropriate to wear.
Im not coming out my room until my parents stop arguing. I not coming out my room until i have my own apartment. Im not coming out my room untill i get a career and not a job. Im not coming out m room until i graduated for the last time. Im not coming out my room until the world changes. Im not coming out my room until my sister moves back to New York City. Im not coming out my room until I can shop like Carrie. Im not coming out my room until im honored for my natural ability to be a great friend. I not coming out of my room until i find my husband. Im not coming out of my room until im on HDTV. Im not coming out until i get my very own reality show. Im not coming out of my room until I finish my first novel. Im not coming out of my room until i lose 35lbs. Im not coming out of my room until i feel im a woman. Im not coming out of my room until i have had a childhood. Im not coming out of my room until i learn to cook like my mother. Im not coming out of my room until health care is universal. Im not coming out of my room until I can see the ocean from my front steps. Im not coming out of my room until i have a child. Im not coming out until O.J admitts he did it. Im not coming out my room until my dad is elected to a political office. Im not coming out my room until white people stop messing with wild animals. Im not coming out of my room until my mother admitts her age, her real age. Im not coming out my room until Hip Hop is alive and well. Im not comng out my room until being an attractive dark skin woman isnt a shock to people. Im not coming out my room until highly populated minority areas are not last on the list for federal aid after a natural disaster. Im not coming out until theres justice for Sean Bell. Im not coming out my room until they find out who killed Christopher Wallace. Im not coming out my room until Barack Obama is elected President of the U.S.A. I not coming out my room until i achieve my personal goals. Im not coming out my room until my family apologizes to each other. Im not coming out my room until smoking weed is legalized. Im not coming out my room until America stops expoiting smaller middle eastern countries. Im not coming out my room until a college education isnt big business. Im not coming out my room until my family has a big reunion at my granma house. Im not coming out my room until theres restitution for salery. Im not coming out my room untill I feel its safe.
But being a person of common sense, faith and wisdom....I know for all of these things to come to pass, I must come out of my room. So on that note... I got to go find something appropriate to wear.
Schizophrenia
Ladies...Have you ever sat up in your bed and thought you had a mental disorder because of the multitude of emotions you felt after being in a crazy relationship with some man? Will i have. And i've come to the conclusion that im crazy. It cant be the men i date, there all sane! Its not them, its me. Im just a schizophernic!
I have been so happy, then so sad. Lets explore that said the psychiatrist. Well some times i question myself to the point of confusion. I try to see his point of view. But all i come up with is he's crazy or down right stupid. But nahh that cant be it, because when i first met him i distinctly remember saying to myself how smart he was. So it must be me. Maybe im too demanding. Do you think im too demanding doc? Well explain to me what you think is demanding about you she said. Ok well maybe i take myself way to serious. Maybe i ask too much of him. I thought asking him to occassionally take me out to a play or a movie was not asking too much but he never did it. I aslo asked him to call me once a day to touch bases but maybe i was askin too much. Then i had the nerve to ask him to by me flowers when it wasnt my birthday or any other holiday. Plus i wanted other things like respect, affection, interesting conversation, entertainment, fun, support, emotionally and financially, and real love, not just sexy time, but love making time. I wanted him to get along with my family. I wanted him to get his life together so we can work towards a future together. I mean we aint getting no younger, and this aint a high school musical. I wanted him to take me serious and not just see our relationship as going on a ride. But maybe its me, Im just too demanding. Another thing doc... Whats the deal with him choosing his friends over me. Let me explain. Its not like im trying to separate them, but it was our birthday week. Our birthdays are 2 days apart and he had to work on both mine and his birthday. I was understanding of that. So now the weekend comes and he's off. I get off work at 7:30pm and call him to see whats up and this fool is at his mans crib chillin hard! Is it me? I flipped out because i figured it was implied that we would celebrate our birthdays on the first given opportunity. He knew what time i was getting off but did he make plans to hang out with his boys during the day...noooo. He waits till i get home from work to go hang out, and then tells me that i hang out with my girls all time time. That may be but i dont do it on important days. And my logic says that if he had the slightess bit of sense he would see the difference. but he flipped it on me and im the nut case mean girlfriend. huh? how the fuck did that happen. and this isnt the first time he flipped the script on me doc, some how this always happens. I carefully think about why im upset before i approach him and yet he always makes me feel guilty. He's usually a reasonable guy so maybe i am over reacting...yeah its just me! Doc you know what also gets me? No please tell me she said. Its the money issue!!! What the fuck is the protocal doc?! Jamie foxx and kanye saying she takes my money,oh she a golddigger and NE-YO wants Miss Independent. Then i got T.I, Lil Wayne, and T.Pain on the other hand telling me i can have whatever i like and It aint trickng if you got it! Which one is it. If im a hambuger bitch its alright, here go $20, i can wild the fuck out at Mcdonalds and the dollar store. Now theres nothing wrong with the dollar store and Mcdonalds, i frequent both spots, but thats not really me. Im that Gucci wearing, take me to Bennihannas, i need gas and tuition money if you got it like that bitch. That being said...you cant come up in my face talking about it aint nothing to a boss baby , but get pissed and nervous when i put my hand out! Im confused Doc. Im not needy but i got needs and bills. Its a fact of life and if a man is going to be in my life i need more support than holding me up so i dont hurt my back or fall when im sittin and spinning on his dick! Can i get an Amen Doc! she laughs. So Doc...whats wrong with me? Im educated, ambitous, no kids hence no baby daddy mess, and im relatively attractive not to blow my own horn, I crack jokes, play video games and i love to watch sports...ok ok I like to watch sports....I even been to the female strip club, but im still single? So whats wrong with me? I know i come with some side effects but who dont? What do you think these side effects are she said. Well i have a tendency to cling to my man you know, not in a mole type of way but a hold you down type of way. I know i get a little carried away in the mall, especially around shoes but he dont complain when i leve them on, only when we get to the register and i look at him. I can buy my own shoes but damm that i like to be spoiled roiten. Its in my DNA and im not willing to change that, all i can do is return the favor. I have a tendency to keep my man to myself, that seems to be a negative thing nowadays, if your dating a man born after 1970. I like to sing along with my songs on the radio, i know niggas hate that, but i dont care. I cant stand when they leave the toilet seat up but they dont seem to care when i fall the fuck in. Doc whats wrong with me. The first 3 months are golden then they change up on me. All of a sudden they phone battey is dying in the middle of the day. He got to go help his mother move some furniture. His man is going through some drama and he got to be there for him...every night! Is it me or dont you smell the bullshit? I must but crazy! Men act civilized till they get enough of the sex then they flip. So if i want to keep a healthy relationship i got to ration it out? He gon complain about that one. Now if i unleash the freak on his ass its a problem. Im a Hoe because i do that too well. What the fuck Doc? Im going baazerk here! Who am i suppose to be. I cant be miss smarty pants because he going to feel dumb knowing im that much smarter, i cant be freak a leek, i cant be a gold digger, i cant be miss independent because then i dont need his ass for ANYTHING. I cant be ghettofab, cant be stush, i cant be too girly but i cant be a tomboy. Little does he know im every women and i got an S tattoed on my chest. I just have to kept it covered up. I really think i just need a man, a real MAN. A man that can keep up! One thats secure in his desires and our relationship. A man that knows being a player is not a long term life style. A man that knows a wife is just a romantic girl bestfriend for life. Here i go asking for too much again with my crazy strange delusional ass. Doc what do you say about my Schizophrenia. I feel so many things, i think i have multiple personalities. Can you prescribe some meds for this? Im getting tired of feeling this way.
Doc Says: Tatiana you dont have multiple personalites and you dont need medication. You just know what you want and your constantly weighting the price of settling for less versus holding out for what you really deserve. You are every woman. It just takes the right man to bring out the do right in you. Your beautiful and Inteligent. Hard working and romantic. You adapt to every situation your thrown into, and you struggle to stay on top. Your not crazy and dont let any man make you question the things you have defined about yourself so long ago. Just stay strong and be patient for patience is a virtue. Go on with your day. Keep a journal of your thoughts and we will discuss them next week.
I said Thank you Doc this was a very liberating session. See you next week.
Doc says: Bye Tatiana. Now just go on and get out of this Mirror.
I have been so happy, then so sad. Lets explore that said the psychiatrist. Well some times i question myself to the point of confusion. I try to see his point of view. But all i come up with is he's crazy or down right stupid. But nahh that cant be it, because when i first met him i distinctly remember saying to myself how smart he was. So it must be me. Maybe im too demanding. Do you think im too demanding doc? Well explain to me what you think is demanding about you she said. Ok well maybe i take myself way to serious. Maybe i ask too much of him. I thought asking him to occassionally take me out to a play or a movie was not asking too much but he never did it. I aslo asked him to call me once a day to touch bases but maybe i was askin too much. Then i had the nerve to ask him to by me flowers when it wasnt my birthday or any other holiday. Plus i wanted other things like respect, affection, interesting conversation, entertainment, fun, support, emotionally and financially, and real love, not just sexy time, but love making time. I wanted him to get along with my family. I wanted him to get his life together so we can work towards a future together. I mean we aint getting no younger, and this aint a high school musical. I wanted him to take me serious and not just see our relationship as going on a ride. But maybe its me, Im just too demanding. Another thing doc... Whats the deal with him choosing his friends over me. Let me explain. Its not like im trying to separate them, but it was our birthday week. Our birthdays are 2 days apart and he had to work on both mine and his birthday. I was understanding of that. So now the weekend comes and he's off. I get off work at 7:30pm and call him to see whats up and this fool is at his mans crib chillin hard! Is it me? I flipped out because i figured it was implied that we would celebrate our birthdays on the first given opportunity. He knew what time i was getting off but did he make plans to hang out with his boys during the day...noooo. He waits till i get home from work to go hang out, and then tells me that i hang out with my girls all time time. That may be but i dont do it on important days. And my logic says that if he had the slightess bit of sense he would see the difference. but he flipped it on me and im the nut case mean girlfriend. huh? how the fuck did that happen. and this isnt the first time he flipped the script on me doc, some how this always happens. I carefully think about why im upset before i approach him and yet he always makes me feel guilty. He's usually a reasonable guy so maybe i am over reacting...yeah its just me! Doc you know what also gets me? No please tell me she said. Its the money issue!!! What the fuck is the protocal doc?! Jamie foxx and kanye saying she takes my money,oh she a golddigger and NE-YO wants Miss Independent. Then i got T.I, Lil Wayne, and T.Pain on the other hand telling me i can have whatever i like and It aint trickng if you got it! Which one is it. If im a hambuger bitch its alright, here go $20, i can wild the fuck out at Mcdonalds and the dollar store. Now theres nothing wrong with the dollar store and Mcdonalds, i frequent both spots, but thats not really me. Im that Gucci wearing, take me to Bennihannas, i need gas and tuition money if you got it like that bitch. That being said...you cant come up in my face talking about it aint nothing to a boss baby , but get pissed and nervous when i put my hand out! Im confused Doc. Im not needy but i got needs and bills. Its a fact of life and if a man is going to be in my life i need more support than holding me up so i dont hurt my back or fall when im sittin and spinning on his dick! Can i get an Amen Doc! she laughs. So Doc...whats wrong with me? Im educated, ambitous, no kids hence no baby daddy mess, and im relatively attractive not to blow my own horn, I crack jokes, play video games and i love to watch sports...ok ok I like to watch sports....I even been to the female strip club, but im still single? So whats wrong with me? I know i come with some side effects but who dont? What do you think these side effects are she said. Well i have a tendency to cling to my man you know, not in a mole type of way but a hold you down type of way. I know i get a little carried away in the mall, especially around shoes but he dont complain when i leve them on, only when we get to the register and i look at him. I can buy my own shoes but damm that i like to be spoiled roiten. Its in my DNA and im not willing to change that, all i can do is return the favor. I have a tendency to keep my man to myself, that seems to be a negative thing nowadays, if your dating a man born after 1970. I like to sing along with my songs on the radio, i know niggas hate that, but i dont care. I cant stand when they leave the toilet seat up but they dont seem to care when i fall the fuck in. Doc whats wrong with me. The first 3 months are golden then they change up on me. All of a sudden they phone battey is dying in the middle of the day. He got to go help his mother move some furniture. His man is going through some drama and he got to be there for him...every night! Is it me or dont you smell the bullshit? I must but crazy! Men act civilized till they get enough of the sex then they flip. So if i want to keep a healthy relationship i got to ration it out? He gon complain about that one. Now if i unleash the freak on his ass its a problem. Im a Hoe because i do that too well. What the fuck Doc? Im going baazerk here! Who am i suppose to be. I cant be miss smarty pants because he going to feel dumb knowing im that much smarter, i cant be freak a leek, i cant be a gold digger, i cant be miss independent because then i dont need his ass for ANYTHING. I cant be ghettofab, cant be stush, i cant be too girly but i cant be a tomboy. Little does he know im every women and i got an S tattoed on my chest. I just have to kept it covered up. I really think i just need a man, a real MAN. A man that can keep up! One thats secure in his desires and our relationship. A man that knows being a player is not a long term life style. A man that knows a wife is just a romantic girl bestfriend for life. Here i go asking for too much again with my crazy strange delusional ass. Doc what do you say about my Schizophrenia. I feel so many things, i think i have multiple personalities. Can you prescribe some meds for this? Im getting tired of feeling this way.
Doc Says: Tatiana you dont have multiple personalites and you dont need medication. You just know what you want and your constantly weighting the price of settling for less versus holding out for what you really deserve. You are every woman. It just takes the right man to bring out the do right in you. Your beautiful and Inteligent. Hard working and romantic. You adapt to every situation your thrown into, and you struggle to stay on top. Your not crazy and dont let any man make you question the things you have defined about yourself so long ago. Just stay strong and be patient for patience is a virtue. Go on with your day. Keep a journal of your thoughts and we will discuss them next week.
I said Thank you Doc this was a very liberating session. See you next week.
Doc says: Bye Tatiana. Now just go on and get out of this Mirror.
And You Still Dont Know...
I cant believe it. This is crazy. What the fuck have i done? And to think, you still dont really know how i feel about you!
You was so freaking quiet. You didnt bother to talk to anyone for almost 2 whole weeks. I bearly even noticed you. Except for this one time when the class decided to all go out to lunch together. Me and my friends piled into my little car and drove to the Mcdonalds down the block. When i was parking i noticed a fly ass car park next to me. I wasnt jockin or nothing im just into cars. We all hopped out my car and walked over to the door. I kept a silent eye on that black Benz coupe. It was just so nice i had to see what was coming out of it. Then i saw you.... No love at first sight. I gave you the quick once over as us girls can do and kept it moving with my crew. I immediately took a pass on a second glace at you. You was alright but not my cup of tea. I like my men tall, brolic, and super sexy with a chocolate complextion. You had the chocolate complextion. Everyone ate lunch and went back to class. Never thought i would see you again.
Damn, its 3:30am already. I got one hour to be at work,and i cant be late on my first day. I get to work and sit down for the morning briefing and who do i see? Black Benz, and a few other classmates. Apparently we all picked the same shift. Since we were all newbies its was only natural that we clinged together. So for the first time me and black benz spoke. His name was Lorenzo. No he's not spanish, just had a spanish name. He was a really cool dude. It turns out that he was pretty good friends with 2 other guys from class that i was cool with so we all became pretty good friends. Over some time I became closer to Lorenzo than i was with the others. We simply had alot in common. We both like fast cars although i drove an older car ( refuse to call my baby Hooptie, she wont like that!), we were both in school at the time, we lived pretty close together and our birthdays were only 2 days apart. We became best buddies. It wasnt long before people at work started saying we were dating being the rumor mill it is. Lorenzo and I laughed at that one so hard because it was so far from the truth. He didnt like me like that and i damn sure didnt like him like that either. He was 5'6 and slim and like my boys homegrown. I was 5'3, dark skin, and very thick and he likes his girls petite, and yellow. Plus i had a man that i was in love with. I even introdued the 2 of them to each other. It was a true platonic friendship. Not to say the thought never crossed our minds but to say the thought crossed our minds and kept on moving. Lorenzo's idea of a joke was calling me fat or different variations of fat, and i retalliated with tiny man jokes. We setled on Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggie. Right then and there i should have know were our friendship would go, being that im familiar with the muppet babies. We talked about everything as good friends do, i knew about his relationships, family and life and he knew the same thing about me. We hung out at each other cribs and he introduced me to his family and homeboys. I really liked his mom because she could bake these delicious biscuits and liked to feed me. Im a foody so i loved that. Lorenzo knew i was having issues with my boyfriend so i told him the kind of guys i like and told him to hook a sista up and i would do the same for him. I went down the list of girl friends i had and picked a winner, Lorenzo gave me a G'd up Urkle named Rell. So when me and my boyfriend finally broke up like it was bound to happen. I got a little serious with Rell. It didnt last long at all because he wasnt really my type but i was rebounding hard body so i found myself burning gas out to New Jersey to spend time with him. Rell was a nice guy but flashy wasnt even the word. This dude was gaudy! He was a cross between Hefner and Diddy dipped in Versace. Yes he's Jamaican. Now combine that image with Urkle and you can see why it didnt last long. I was just in need of a romantic distraction, it wasnt a sexual relationship but it was good company and conversation at the right time. Rell was an promoter and had a lifestyle that was so different that mine, im a homebody and i like to support my man from home, not the club 5 nights a week. Rell and I parted on great terms. So i got back with my Ex and Lorenzo was really going hard at my girl. I liked him for her because i knew he was a decent guy, and shes a good girl. My girl fronted hard body and played herself. She may not feel that way but thats how i see it. Now shes in one hell of a predicament with some guy and Lorenzo is in love with his wify, Baggy Pants. I gave her that name because when i first met her before her and lorenzo hooked up, she was wearing pants that were supposed to fit her tight but shes so slim that they fit her baggy. At the end of that night he was telling me that his cousin was trying to hook him up with a girl she knew. The one that sat behind us at the fashion show? yea her! You mean the girl with the baggy pants on? We both LOL.
Lorenzo got a better job a year after we stared working together, and i changed shifts. Our friendship had grown so much that we actually stayed good friends and keep in contact. Something i never do no matter how hard i try. You know how that goes. So lets fast forward 2 more years.
I got a new car. Still not a fast one but you cant call it a Hooptie by any means. Rell and my Ex are way out of the picture and Baggy pants is now on wifey status. Everyone is happy, except me and Lorenzo. Now lets go back One year. Keep up with me people! Im going out friday night to a club with some friends from work. So L, do you wanna go with me so you can see some of your old friends that might go? Aight. Pick me up around 12am,and im not driving because i wanna get my drink on. Whateva T, see you then. So we go to the club and have a really nice time, atleast i did. I was drink and dancing while that nigga held up a wall and chatted with some people he knew. We left the club around 4am and im so nyce. We pull up infront my house and parked. So now we sitting in the car just talking and laughing about the events of the night, time begins to fly. Im like damn we been sitting in this car for about an hour and a half. Let me let you go cause i know you got a long drive to do althought I know you going to do that drive at about a 100mph. He said T you looked really nice tonight. I looked at him crazy because complements is something we dont do or atleast like that...all serious and shit. He put his hand on my thigh and squeezed, the conversation turned. I said you really think so? L said yeah, you know i always liked how nice and thick your thighs are but i never said anything because you always cracking jokes on me. I said well I do like how cut up and diesel your body is. We sat there for a moment a let what just happened register. We actually openly admitted an attraction for each other... Oh My God! I gotta break the Ice! I said Anyway L ima go in the house now, get your hand off my thigh nigga and hit me to let me know you got home. He said Aight Son Peace! I jumped out the coupe and went inside as he pealed off with his sexy ass. Even the way he drove gave me a rush. It always did. Our whole relationship changed in a matter of 2 hours. But we didnt let things get too weird, we knew each other too well for that to happen. So the next time we saw each other its was homies as usual. They say your not suppose to hook up with people you work with or your real friends. I already screwed up the first rule so I made it my business not to screw up the second.
Lets fast forward 1 year now. Stay with me people!
Son I rearranged my room again! you gotta come see it. Ok i'll be there in 5 minutes but i cant stay for long, wifey waiting on me. I answed the door, and L came in. I worked on it all day, how do you like it? Its nice T, much better than before! Fuck you nigga, you always got something smart to say! We lol. L said thats how you clean T, In a wifebeater and booty shorts? Yes L and?! Nah, Im just saying its nice. I laughed and said alright L ima see you later. I walked him to the door and he stepped aside so i can open it. As i attempted to open the dood he closed it and pulled me in close to him with his hands around my hips. I didnt resist... We kissed. Then we kissed some more! Oh God my body is so hot and his hands feel so stronge and good, this nigga got the grip im talkin about. I knew he had a nice chest but i didnt know it was like this... and his back... damn! My hands really dont know how to act, and i dont care one bit! My time has finally come, but wait....He's my bestfriend. Ok Tatiana think fast, they say things will never be the same, but damn i want a slice now, He's got a girl, but that chick aint here anyhow, but he's my best guy friend and i dont want things to change because of sex and i know sex changes the game from experience, but this feels so good. And the fact that i cant even hold his waist because his glock is in the way fuckin turns me on. I got a serious thing for men in uniform...and he wears one 5 days a week. What to do, what to do, think quick! I pulled away and said Damn L thats it! But me being the flirt that i am I had to give his ear lobe a quick little lick, just to let him know who he's fuckin with. So we managed to keep things undercontrol, with only public visits, Our flirting is done with eyes and not with lips so its kinda harmless. We know we cant see each other behind closed doors because that would be it... but a few months later we did. I rearranged my room again and he came to see it...
To Be Continued...
Beautiful Memoirs...And you still dont know...
You was so freaking quiet. You didnt bother to talk to anyone for almost 2 whole weeks. I bearly even noticed you. Except for this one time when the class decided to all go out to lunch together. Me and my friends piled into my little car and drove to the Mcdonalds down the block. When i was parking i noticed a fly ass car park next to me. I wasnt jockin or nothing im just into cars. We all hopped out my car and walked over to the door. I kept a silent eye on that black Benz coupe. It was just so nice i had to see what was coming out of it. Then i saw you.... No love at first sight. I gave you the quick once over as us girls can do and kept it moving with my crew. I immediately took a pass on a second glace at you. You was alright but not my cup of tea. I like my men tall, brolic, and super sexy with a chocolate complextion. You had the chocolate complextion. Everyone ate lunch and went back to class. Never thought i would see you again.
Damn, its 3:30am already. I got one hour to be at work,and i cant be late on my first day. I get to work and sit down for the morning briefing and who do i see? Black Benz, and a few other classmates. Apparently we all picked the same shift. Since we were all newbies its was only natural that we clinged together. So for the first time me and black benz spoke. His name was Lorenzo. No he's not spanish, just had a spanish name. He was a really cool dude. It turns out that he was pretty good friends with 2 other guys from class that i was cool with so we all became pretty good friends. Over some time I became closer to Lorenzo than i was with the others. We simply had alot in common. We both like fast cars although i drove an older car ( refuse to call my baby Hooptie, she wont like that!), we were both in school at the time, we lived pretty close together and our birthdays were only 2 days apart. We became best buddies. It wasnt long before people at work started saying we were dating being the rumor mill it is. Lorenzo and I laughed at that one so hard because it was so far from the truth. He didnt like me like that and i damn sure didnt like him like that either. He was 5'6 and slim and like my boys homegrown. I was 5'3, dark skin, and very thick and he likes his girls petite, and yellow. Plus i had a man that i was in love with. I even introdued the 2 of them to each other. It was a true platonic friendship. Not to say the thought never crossed our minds but to say the thought crossed our minds and kept on moving. Lorenzo's idea of a joke was calling me fat or different variations of fat, and i retalliated with tiny man jokes. We setled on Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggie. Right then and there i should have know were our friendship would go, being that im familiar with the muppet babies. We talked about everything as good friends do, i knew about his relationships, family and life and he knew the same thing about me. We hung out at each other cribs and he introduced me to his family and homeboys. I really liked his mom because she could bake these delicious biscuits and liked to feed me. Im a foody so i loved that. Lorenzo knew i was having issues with my boyfriend so i told him the kind of guys i like and told him to hook a sista up and i would do the same for him. I went down the list of girl friends i had and picked a winner, Lorenzo gave me a G'd up Urkle named Rell. So when me and my boyfriend finally broke up like it was bound to happen. I got a little serious with Rell. It didnt last long at all because he wasnt really my type but i was rebounding hard body so i found myself burning gas out to New Jersey to spend time with him. Rell was a nice guy but flashy wasnt even the word. This dude was gaudy! He was a cross between Hefner and Diddy dipped in Versace. Yes he's Jamaican. Now combine that image with Urkle and you can see why it didnt last long. I was just in need of a romantic distraction, it wasnt a sexual relationship but it was good company and conversation at the right time. Rell was an promoter and had a lifestyle that was so different that mine, im a homebody and i like to support my man from home, not the club 5 nights a week. Rell and I parted on great terms. So i got back with my Ex and Lorenzo was really going hard at my girl. I liked him for her because i knew he was a decent guy, and shes a good girl. My girl fronted hard body and played herself. She may not feel that way but thats how i see it. Now shes in one hell of a predicament with some guy and Lorenzo is in love with his wify, Baggy Pants. I gave her that name because when i first met her before her and lorenzo hooked up, she was wearing pants that were supposed to fit her tight but shes so slim that they fit her baggy. At the end of that night he was telling me that his cousin was trying to hook him up with a girl she knew. The one that sat behind us at the fashion show? yea her! You mean the girl with the baggy pants on? We both LOL.
Lorenzo got a better job a year after we stared working together, and i changed shifts. Our friendship had grown so much that we actually stayed good friends and keep in contact. Something i never do no matter how hard i try. You know how that goes. So lets fast forward 2 more years.
I got a new car. Still not a fast one but you cant call it a Hooptie by any means. Rell and my Ex are way out of the picture and Baggy pants is now on wifey status. Everyone is happy, except me and Lorenzo. Now lets go back One year. Keep up with me people! Im going out friday night to a club with some friends from work. So L, do you wanna go with me so you can see some of your old friends that might go? Aight. Pick me up around 12am,and im not driving because i wanna get my drink on. Whateva T, see you then. So we go to the club and have a really nice time, atleast i did. I was drink and dancing while that nigga held up a wall and chatted with some people he knew. We left the club around 4am and im so nyce. We pull up infront my house and parked. So now we sitting in the car just talking and laughing about the events of the night, time begins to fly. Im like damn we been sitting in this car for about an hour and a half. Let me let you go cause i know you got a long drive to do althought I know you going to do that drive at about a 100mph. He said T you looked really nice tonight. I looked at him crazy because complements is something we dont do or atleast like that...all serious and shit. He put his hand on my thigh and squeezed, the conversation turned. I said you really think so? L said yeah, you know i always liked how nice and thick your thighs are but i never said anything because you always cracking jokes on me. I said well I do like how cut up and diesel your body is. We sat there for a moment a let what just happened register. We actually openly admitted an attraction for each other... Oh My God! I gotta break the Ice! I said Anyway L ima go in the house now, get your hand off my thigh nigga and hit me to let me know you got home. He said Aight Son Peace! I jumped out the coupe and went inside as he pealed off with his sexy ass. Even the way he drove gave me a rush. It always did. Our whole relationship changed in a matter of 2 hours. But we didnt let things get too weird, we knew each other too well for that to happen. So the next time we saw each other its was homies as usual. They say your not suppose to hook up with people you work with or your real friends. I already screwed up the first rule so I made it my business not to screw up the second.
Lets fast forward 1 year now. Stay with me people!
Son I rearranged my room again! you gotta come see it. Ok i'll be there in 5 minutes but i cant stay for long, wifey waiting on me. I answed the door, and L came in. I worked on it all day, how do you like it? Its nice T, much better than before! Fuck you nigga, you always got something smart to say! We lol. L said thats how you clean T, In a wifebeater and booty shorts? Yes L and?! Nah, Im just saying its nice. I laughed and said alright L ima see you later. I walked him to the door and he stepped aside so i can open it. As i attempted to open the dood he closed it and pulled me in close to him with his hands around my hips. I didnt resist... We kissed. Then we kissed some more! Oh God my body is so hot and his hands feel so stronge and good, this nigga got the grip im talkin about. I knew he had a nice chest but i didnt know it was like this... and his back... damn! My hands really dont know how to act, and i dont care one bit! My time has finally come, but wait....He's my bestfriend. Ok Tatiana think fast, they say things will never be the same, but damn i want a slice now, He's got a girl, but that chick aint here anyhow, but he's my best guy friend and i dont want things to change because of sex and i know sex changes the game from experience, but this feels so good. And the fact that i cant even hold his waist because his glock is in the way fuckin turns me on. I got a serious thing for men in uniform...and he wears one 5 days a week. What to do, what to do, think quick! I pulled away and said Damn L thats it! But me being the flirt that i am I had to give his ear lobe a quick little lick, just to let him know who he's fuckin with. So we managed to keep things undercontrol, with only public visits, Our flirting is done with eyes and not with lips so its kinda harmless. We know we cant see each other behind closed doors because that would be it... but a few months later we did. I rearranged my room again and he came to see it...
To Be Continued...
Beautiful Memoirs...And you still dont know...
Crazy in Love
I told you from the start i was crazy. You should have listened to me. Is that blood?
So Jazmine Sullivan has a new song called i "Bust Your Windows". This song is about 4 years late but it reminds me of a point in my life that i hope to never visit again. I was the girl in the song.
His name was Marc. Before him i only had boyfriends. Marc was a Man, the first man in my life. I was in love with him. He was one of those loves. You know the ones that you know will be the death of you, but you cant picture tomorrow with out that someone in your life. Now i dont condone violence and i advise young men and women in an abusive relationship to take heed to the signs and get out now. Dont wait till the end like i did. I met Marc when i was 17, working at the old Sam Goody record store that used to be on west 8th street. I spotted him from the door. Tall, dark, handsome, and bald. He was slim, but not at all skinny. I liked his swag, cool, calm and charming, grown but his jeans has a slight sag. He had a sexy body and a beautiful smile. We exchanged numbers, and began talking.
Now im not going way into the history of us but im giving you some background to explain my state of mind on that fateful night...
For 4 long years we were going strong, we had our ups and downs but we held on tight. I remember this one time i found a pack of maxi pads in the guestroom of his house. He tried to tell me they belonged to his sister from her last visit. That was obviously a lie to me because she hadnt visited in a long while and i practically lived with him. I mean i woke up at his house went to work and came home to his house daily. I only went to my house for a change of clothes about twice a week so i think i would know if your sister from Maryland was staying with him. Plus...Always Maxi pads are constantly changing the advertisements on their package and this package had a very recent ad on it. I flipped out! My main gripe was that he would bring another women home were we stay! Honey you dont shit where you eat! I ran out the front door, i told him that was the last straw, you cant just play around with me because im young. Marc was 11 years my senior, but you couldnt tell he was a day over 25. I should have known he was trouble from the time i saw his drivers license and i did the math. He lied about he's age when we first met but by the time i found out i didnt care. I really liked him. Im not stupid Marc! I yelled as i went out the front door crying. He stood there bouncing a basketball like i didnt exsist and none of this was happening. I got about 2 houses down from his. I cant breath, I grasped my chest, it tightened. I cant breath, how could he do this to me? I supported his ass when his family wouldnt. I stayed up and waited for him to come home from the "studio". I had his back when he quit his job with the board of ed to go on tour and open shows for other big artist. I bought the socks and underwear to pack. But his brother/CEO screw him and the tour never happened, but i was there and held us down. He held me down hard when i was unemployed and living the broke life on campus. He made sure i had money in my pocket, and he introduce me to culture in the city. I loved him for that. I also loved the fact the his family was from the same island as mine. We shared a Barbadian background. He had views and unique ways of looking at everything, i loved conversing with him. It was always food for thought. And when my house was killing me with nonsense, he was my escape, and i must admit he was very talented, on stage and in the bedroom. We alway made love and never just sex. I cant breath without him. I turned around to go back and he there he was. Coming down the side walk to get me. He did care. We embraced each other there on the side walk and that was the end of that discussion.
Boy did i love Marc. In hindsight I think its safe to say i loved him more than he loved me. He was my life. Work, Marc, sleep with Marc, hang with my girlfriends, go home to Marc. Maybe thats what was wrong but he never complained. We would purposely disconnect for days, just to not get tired of each other, and i never was the type to stop him from hanging out with his boys. I would iron his clothes on a saturday night and give him $20 singles because they were going to sin city. I didnt sweat it as long as he brough it home to me. I even put on my own shows. I made sacrifices for that man, sacrifices that only a woman could make. He told me that when your in a relationship you dont have male friends, so i didnt.
He needed a job. I made appointments and he missed them. I looked online for jobs on my lunch break. My manager calls me into his office now. Tatiana are you unhappy here? I said no, why? Well its kind of not good to see employees doing job searches at work. Oh my God im sorry, i didnt realize how this looked. I was looking for job, but not for me, for my man. He's unemployed and not that good on the computer so i was just trying to help. My boss said OK, i understand Tatiana, just dont do it anymore. So i made more appointments and gave him transportation and pocket money. He over slept. I went online and fill out the application for TSA. I do all the corresponding and send him on this appointment. He got the job.
4 years into it and things are not going well. I honestly knew i should have left him some where around the 2 year mark but our physical chemistry was explosive. That was our crack, and you dont leave your dealer. I ignored all of the signs. I used the rationale its break ups to make ups. On and off and so on. So we decided to take a break and take this time to clear our minds and see if this can really work. One second he's like i could marry you, the next he's a stranger. I cant remember what our actual problem was, but i do distinctly remember losing respect for him as a man during the later part of the relationship and that can definately manifest itself in attitude which i had alot of. The man that was once so ambitous and atractive to me was gone. He had quit a good job that he couldnt get back. He was living on the first floor of his familys house and no longer able to pay rent, so eventually it turned into just mooching off momma, and the chiseled body i fell in love with was looking alittle frail, but i still loved this man. I carried him in my soul. So we separted but continued to see each other. It wasnt an open relationship or atleast thats what i thought.
That fateful night....
Things havent been this good in a while. Last night was just so pleasant and romantic. I could tell that he missed me by the way he held on to me and didnt let go. I couldnt even change positions when we were sleeping because every time i moved an inch away he would wake up and reach out for me. I understood that, i never could sleep without some part of me barely touching him. I needed to know he was there and feel his warmth. Its just nice to see him show so much feeling like that. He was never really good at being outwardly emotional. I think i'll see him again tonight. It was friday night and I went out to a lounge with my homegirl and her friend. At about 3am i was driving them home and decided to ask Marc to come with me since I had to pass his house on the way. I pull up to his house and call his phone. Ring. Ring. Ring. no answer. I dont think he was going out tonight, he would have told me. I called again. Still no answer. I guess he probably went out. Wait, let me ring the bell. No answer. Damn i must have really worn him out this morning because he never goes to sleep this early on a weekend. That reverse cowgirl is a bitch. I'll just go knock on his bedroom window. Its too late for me to be driving back to Brooklyn alone and i really want to see my baby. Well i see the Tv is still on and he cant sleep with it on for nothing so he must be up. I knock on the window a little hard. There he goes! So i go back to the front door. He opens the door in basketball shorts no shirt, just sexy. Hey baby (kiss), I know your sleepy but come take a quick ride to queens with me to drop Chloe home and i'll spend tonight with you. Let me get your shirt because your out of it and moving real slow. As i began to walk pass him, i froze. I know its dark but i know i just saw a body sit up in his bed. (You see his house is tunnel style, you can see straight through the house from the front door. ) Its late, i been drinking. my mind playing tricks on me. I start pass him agian. He grabs me back. He said Tatiana......I said is that a girl in your bed? because now the figure in the dark has gotten up and proceeded to pick up what looks like clothes off the floor. Marc said theres someone here Tatiana. I Still in a freeze frame state, said WHAT! Nigga Is you Crazy? Let me pass! Everything at this point is in slow motion. I screamed BITCH IM GON KILL YOU! JUST FUCKING WAIT. IM GONNA FUCK YOU UP! MARC PUT ME DOWN. He picked me up and held me in the air as his living room lights came on and his family downstairs. LET ME GO! HOW FUCKIN COULD YOU!? I kicked, yelled and screamed as i watch his brother rush the girl out the side door and I assume into her car because she disapeared fast. His mother yelled im calling the police. He finally put me down. I began to fight him. Slapping and beating his chest crying hysterically. How could you Marc? I was here just last night, we made love this morning and now her? I was dazed and baffled. A serge of pain flowed rapidly through my body. I was dizzy, and fellin feverish. I couldnt control what i did next, It wasnt my fault, and i still feel it was deserved. With his family standing there watching I yelled how long Marc and dont lie to me! He said about 1 year, as he shamelessly posted up there on the wall. It hurt me even more to know we have only been broken up for 1 month. Whats her name? I said who is she? He replied a girl i know from work. You mean the job that i busted my ass to get you? His mother then interjected and told me to calm down Tatiana these things happen....I almost fainted. I looked at the woman i had bonded with for 4 years and told her if that was acceptable in her marriage it wasnt in my relationship. She told me to get out of her house. I said not before i get some answers. she said where the hell are the cops? I told her to go fuckin call them again! I look at Marc with that dumb indifferent look on his face and blacked out.
I saw red and blue lights. I could hear the sirens. I could see the blood. I wiped the tears from my eyes. I got in my car and drove away.
I didnt know that i had that much strength , but im glad you see what happens when...You see you just cant play with peoples feelings, tell them you love them and dont mean it.
On the flip side... i know it was Marc that caused my pain, and he got dealt with, but you dont sleep with a man for a year and not realized he has a woman. I cant over look that bitch. The next day i I applied to TSA.
Beautiful Memoirs...Crazy in Love
So Jazmine Sullivan has a new song called i "Bust Your Windows". This song is about 4 years late but it reminds me of a point in my life that i hope to never visit again. I was the girl in the song.
His name was Marc. Before him i only had boyfriends. Marc was a Man, the first man in my life. I was in love with him. He was one of those loves. You know the ones that you know will be the death of you, but you cant picture tomorrow with out that someone in your life. Now i dont condone violence and i advise young men and women in an abusive relationship to take heed to the signs and get out now. Dont wait till the end like i did. I met Marc when i was 17, working at the old Sam Goody record store that used to be on west 8th street. I spotted him from the door. Tall, dark, handsome, and bald. He was slim, but not at all skinny. I liked his swag, cool, calm and charming, grown but his jeans has a slight sag. He had a sexy body and a beautiful smile. We exchanged numbers, and began talking.
Now im not going way into the history of us but im giving you some background to explain my state of mind on that fateful night...
For 4 long years we were going strong, we had our ups and downs but we held on tight. I remember this one time i found a pack of maxi pads in the guestroom of his house. He tried to tell me they belonged to his sister from her last visit. That was obviously a lie to me because she hadnt visited in a long while and i practically lived with him. I mean i woke up at his house went to work and came home to his house daily. I only went to my house for a change of clothes about twice a week so i think i would know if your sister from Maryland was staying with him. Plus...Always Maxi pads are constantly changing the advertisements on their package and this package had a very recent ad on it. I flipped out! My main gripe was that he would bring another women home were we stay! Honey you dont shit where you eat! I ran out the front door, i told him that was the last straw, you cant just play around with me because im young. Marc was 11 years my senior, but you couldnt tell he was a day over 25. I should have known he was trouble from the time i saw his drivers license and i did the math. He lied about he's age when we first met but by the time i found out i didnt care. I really liked him. Im not stupid Marc! I yelled as i went out the front door crying. He stood there bouncing a basketball like i didnt exsist and none of this was happening. I got about 2 houses down from his. I cant breath, I grasped my chest, it tightened. I cant breath, how could he do this to me? I supported his ass when his family wouldnt. I stayed up and waited for him to come home from the "studio". I had his back when he quit his job with the board of ed to go on tour and open shows for other big artist. I bought the socks and underwear to pack. But his brother/CEO screw him and the tour never happened, but i was there and held us down. He held me down hard when i was unemployed and living the broke life on campus. He made sure i had money in my pocket, and he introduce me to culture in the city. I loved him for that. I also loved the fact the his family was from the same island as mine. We shared a Barbadian background. He had views and unique ways of looking at everything, i loved conversing with him. It was always food for thought. And when my house was killing me with nonsense, he was my escape, and i must admit he was very talented, on stage and in the bedroom. We alway made love and never just sex. I cant breath without him. I turned around to go back and he there he was. Coming down the side walk to get me. He did care. We embraced each other there on the side walk and that was the end of that discussion.
Boy did i love Marc. In hindsight I think its safe to say i loved him more than he loved me. He was my life. Work, Marc, sleep with Marc, hang with my girlfriends, go home to Marc. Maybe thats what was wrong but he never complained. We would purposely disconnect for days, just to not get tired of each other, and i never was the type to stop him from hanging out with his boys. I would iron his clothes on a saturday night and give him $20 singles because they were going to sin city. I didnt sweat it as long as he brough it home to me. I even put on my own shows. I made sacrifices for that man, sacrifices that only a woman could make. He told me that when your in a relationship you dont have male friends, so i didnt.
He needed a job. I made appointments and he missed them. I looked online for jobs on my lunch break. My manager calls me into his office now. Tatiana are you unhappy here? I said no, why? Well its kind of not good to see employees doing job searches at work. Oh my God im sorry, i didnt realize how this looked. I was looking for job, but not for me, for my man. He's unemployed and not that good on the computer so i was just trying to help. My boss said OK, i understand Tatiana, just dont do it anymore. So i made more appointments and gave him transportation and pocket money. He over slept. I went online and fill out the application for TSA. I do all the corresponding and send him on this appointment. He got the job.
4 years into it and things are not going well. I honestly knew i should have left him some where around the 2 year mark but our physical chemistry was explosive. That was our crack, and you dont leave your dealer. I ignored all of the signs. I used the rationale its break ups to make ups. On and off and so on. So we decided to take a break and take this time to clear our minds and see if this can really work. One second he's like i could marry you, the next he's a stranger. I cant remember what our actual problem was, but i do distinctly remember losing respect for him as a man during the later part of the relationship and that can definately manifest itself in attitude which i had alot of. The man that was once so ambitous and atractive to me was gone. He had quit a good job that he couldnt get back. He was living on the first floor of his familys house and no longer able to pay rent, so eventually it turned into just mooching off momma, and the chiseled body i fell in love with was looking alittle frail, but i still loved this man. I carried him in my soul. So we separted but continued to see each other. It wasnt an open relationship or atleast thats what i thought.
That fateful night....
Things havent been this good in a while. Last night was just so pleasant and romantic. I could tell that he missed me by the way he held on to me and didnt let go. I couldnt even change positions when we were sleeping because every time i moved an inch away he would wake up and reach out for me. I understood that, i never could sleep without some part of me barely touching him. I needed to know he was there and feel his warmth. Its just nice to see him show so much feeling like that. He was never really good at being outwardly emotional. I think i'll see him again tonight. It was friday night and I went out to a lounge with my homegirl and her friend. At about 3am i was driving them home and decided to ask Marc to come with me since I had to pass his house on the way. I pull up to his house and call his phone. Ring. Ring. Ring. no answer. I dont think he was going out tonight, he would have told me. I called again. Still no answer. I guess he probably went out. Wait, let me ring the bell. No answer. Damn i must have really worn him out this morning because he never goes to sleep this early on a weekend. That reverse cowgirl is a bitch. I'll just go knock on his bedroom window. Its too late for me to be driving back to Brooklyn alone and i really want to see my baby. Well i see the Tv is still on and he cant sleep with it on for nothing so he must be up. I knock on the window a little hard. There he goes! So i go back to the front door. He opens the door in basketball shorts no shirt, just sexy. Hey baby (kiss), I know your sleepy but come take a quick ride to queens with me to drop Chloe home and i'll spend tonight with you. Let me get your shirt because your out of it and moving real slow. As i began to walk pass him, i froze. I know its dark but i know i just saw a body sit up in his bed. (You see his house is tunnel style, you can see straight through the house from the front door. ) Its late, i been drinking. my mind playing tricks on me. I start pass him agian. He grabs me back. He said Tatiana......I said is that a girl in your bed? because now the figure in the dark has gotten up and proceeded to pick up what looks like clothes off the floor. Marc said theres someone here Tatiana. I Still in a freeze frame state, said WHAT! Nigga Is you Crazy? Let me pass! Everything at this point is in slow motion. I screamed BITCH IM GON KILL YOU! JUST FUCKING WAIT. IM GONNA FUCK YOU UP! MARC PUT ME DOWN. He picked me up and held me in the air as his living room lights came on and his family downstairs. LET ME GO! HOW FUCKIN COULD YOU!? I kicked, yelled and screamed as i watch his brother rush the girl out the side door and I assume into her car because she disapeared fast. His mother yelled im calling the police. He finally put me down. I began to fight him. Slapping and beating his chest crying hysterically. How could you Marc? I was here just last night, we made love this morning and now her? I was dazed and baffled. A serge of pain flowed rapidly through my body. I was dizzy, and fellin feverish. I couldnt control what i did next, It wasnt my fault, and i still feel it was deserved. With his family standing there watching I yelled how long Marc and dont lie to me! He said about 1 year, as he shamelessly posted up there on the wall. It hurt me even more to know we have only been broken up for 1 month. Whats her name? I said who is she? He replied a girl i know from work. You mean the job that i busted my ass to get you? His mother then interjected and told me to calm down Tatiana these things happen....I almost fainted. I looked at the woman i had bonded with for 4 years and told her if that was acceptable in her marriage it wasnt in my relationship. She told me to get out of her house. I said not before i get some answers. she said where the hell are the cops? I told her to go fuckin call them again! I look at Marc with that dumb indifferent look on his face and blacked out.
I saw red and blue lights. I could hear the sirens. I could see the blood. I wiped the tears from my eyes. I got in my car and drove away.
I didnt know that i had that much strength , but im glad you see what happens when...You see you just cant play with peoples feelings, tell them you love them and dont mean it.
On the flip side... i know it was Marc that caused my pain, and he got dealt with, but you dont sleep with a man for a year and not realized he has a woman. I cant over look that bitch. The next day i I applied to TSA.
Beautiful Memoirs...Crazy in Love
New Wave of Bitches
Theres a new wave of bitches
They pack hair and balls, they have flat chest and dont wear bras. They cant walk in heals, you can find them in a local mall. They dont keep secrets, they will Barbara Walters your business. They are a new wave of bitches, im talkin about these bitchass niggas!
Long gone are the days where gossiping was a female thing, these niggas bring more news than fuckin channel 11. The dont respect the natural balance of things, there upseting the universe with all their back talking. Standing on the block was meant for thuggin, now these niggas gather round like The View is in, they buggin. I dont know when it became cool for 2 niggas to start pillow talking, all i know is they're some niggas that are disrespecting the code, i bet to police they be talking. Ladies stop airing out each other, that chick didnt spill the bean on who you slept with, check that nigga, bust him in the lip for going around town braggin on his shit. Real niggas move in silence and violence, bitches move with loose lips and lil dicks. Remember that shit. There a new wave of bitches, Homo thugs possing as real niggas. They rep like Jay and BIG, but them same katz you can find at Langstons late night on the Down low tip. Wave good bye to the code as we knew it. Niggas is talking like brigde playing old ladies. 2008 who knew it? There are a few good things that came from it, the teen pregnancy rate is down, cause niggas aint the thing to fuck with. Hood crime is down too cause bitchass niggas double as informants too. Women started picking up the slack, single mother that have to also be dads. Good girls now have to be bad, Running credability checks on niggas, now aint that sad? Ladies we now gotta tighten up, small circles, lighten up. Tell the right nigga a fake ass lie, see who brings it back to you, now you found your spy. These niggas is one step away from tapping chicks phone and stalking all day. They playing house, while we cracking down, we about stacking our paper, studying, and silence when we get down. Theres a new wave of bitches, they may come in a FDA approved package, but check there side effects for the term "gossip nigga". What happened to packing nines, having one bad shorty, you and her going half on a dime. I know times change, we working for the feds but dont forget from where you came. The code is the code, and that should never change. Those bitchass niggas giving real men a bad name. Fellas check who you roll with, like birds flock together so do lame dicks. Bitches run in circles. I'm Laura and yall niggas all looking like Urkle. Stop runnin that mouth and stop all that jocking.... or dont be surprised when your eye n your lips is bluish-purple.
Theres a new wave of bitches, im not speaking about us, i'ts these niggas! Ladies we got to start spacing out these willies... put some boarders between our niggas, weather it be distance or race, the main goal is to protect your name and face. I say we freeze these bitches out, put a dead lock on the pu$$y, cause a fucking drought! Till these bitches learn there lesson, i bet a pu$$y padlock will have them confessing. Ladies if you have a suspect nigga sit tight and wait, don't act out of character, let him take the bait. Don't bother to confront him, because he's not going to admit what he said, us west indians know how they move, thats why we say informants have fe dead!
Silence is a Virtue
They pack hair and balls, they have flat chest and dont wear bras. They cant walk in heals, you can find them in a local mall. They dont keep secrets, they will Barbara Walters your business. They are a new wave of bitches, im talkin about these bitchass niggas!
Long gone are the days where gossiping was a female thing, these niggas bring more news than fuckin channel 11. The dont respect the natural balance of things, there upseting the universe with all their back talking. Standing on the block was meant for thuggin, now these niggas gather round like The View is in, they buggin. I dont know when it became cool for 2 niggas to start pillow talking, all i know is they're some niggas that are disrespecting the code, i bet to police they be talking. Ladies stop airing out each other, that chick didnt spill the bean on who you slept with, check that nigga, bust him in the lip for going around town braggin on his shit. Real niggas move in silence and violence, bitches move with loose lips and lil dicks. Remember that shit. There a new wave of bitches, Homo thugs possing as real niggas. They rep like Jay and BIG, but them same katz you can find at Langstons late night on the Down low tip. Wave good bye to the code as we knew it. Niggas is talking like brigde playing old ladies. 2008 who knew it? There are a few good things that came from it, the teen pregnancy rate is down, cause niggas aint the thing to fuck with. Hood crime is down too cause bitchass niggas double as informants too. Women started picking up the slack, single mother that have to also be dads. Good girls now have to be bad, Running credability checks on niggas, now aint that sad? Ladies we now gotta tighten up, small circles, lighten up. Tell the right nigga a fake ass lie, see who brings it back to you, now you found your spy. These niggas is one step away from tapping chicks phone and stalking all day. They playing house, while we cracking down, we about stacking our paper, studying, and silence when we get down. Theres a new wave of bitches, they may come in a FDA approved package, but check there side effects for the term "gossip nigga". What happened to packing nines, having one bad shorty, you and her going half on a dime. I know times change, we working for the feds but dont forget from where you came. The code is the code, and that should never change. Those bitchass niggas giving real men a bad name. Fellas check who you roll with, like birds flock together so do lame dicks. Bitches run in circles. I'm Laura and yall niggas all looking like Urkle. Stop runnin that mouth and stop all that jocking.... or dont be surprised when your eye n your lips is bluish-purple.
Theres a new wave of bitches, im not speaking about us, i'ts these niggas! Ladies we got to start spacing out these willies... put some boarders between our niggas, weather it be distance or race, the main goal is to protect your name and face. I say we freeze these bitches out, put a dead lock on the pu$$y, cause a fucking drought! Till these bitches learn there lesson, i bet a pu$$y padlock will have them confessing. Ladies if you have a suspect nigga sit tight and wait, don't act out of character, let him take the bait. Don't bother to confront him, because he's not going to admit what he said, us west indians know how they move, thats why we say informants have fe dead!
Silence is a Virtue
Its Simply Sickening
Its just sickening. Get a room. Go some where i cant see you.
Its been so long but, it feels just like yesterday. I touched you, i smelt you, and i could feel you deep inside of me. I see you in the distance but i cant make my way to you right now. Theres too many obstacles, and people imitating you right now. Im not ready. The memory of your warmth is what keeps me going on. Its no secret that i need you. I try to live my day to day life without you. But i know the time is coming when im going to have you. In the mean time i cant stand to see other people with you. Its simply sickening. Public displays of affection should but outlawed. Its simply sickening. Holding hands should be outlawed. Its simply sickening. Dont stare all misty eyed. Its simply sickening. I cant stand to see people in love, its simply sickening. Stop all the cuddling and shit. Dont brush her hair and dont bite his lip. She been working all day, dont rub her feet. His tired and hungry, dont make him dinner, order in him something to eat. Stop running that bath water, leave the trash and the dishes in the sink. Dont iron his shirt and fly off at the mouth with out stopping to think. Dont wash his car and dont put gas in her tank. Dont buy her no shoes, dont put money in his bank. Stop all this love crap. Its simply sickening.
As the sky turns dark and im alone with more of my thoughts i find whats even more sickening. This hurts but the truth is, Im in love with the idea of being in love. I miss the warmth of an embrace, a kiss and a hug. I keep a special place in my bed, a vacancy for love. I have this hunger thats never fed. Diamonds, shoes and food are the artificial version of big red. Theres nothing out there like it, to never love again, i'd rather be dead. There were times that i wanted to feel you so bad i settled for less than i should off. Its simply sickening. Its a 4 letter word that drives me insane. The rush i get from being in love is similar to the feeling of take off on a plane. I honestly miss you soo bad and cant wait to have you again. Its simply sickening.
Beautiful Memoirs
Its been so long but, it feels just like yesterday. I touched you, i smelt you, and i could feel you deep inside of me. I see you in the distance but i cant make my way to you right now. Theres too many obstacles, and people imitating you right now. Im not ready. The memory of your warmth is what keeps me going on. Its no secret that i need you. I try to live my day to day life without you. But i know the time is coming when im going to have you. In the mean time i cant stand to see other people with you. Its simply sickening. Public displays of affection should but outlawed. Its simply sickening. Holding hands should be outlawed. Its simply sickening. Dont stare all misty eyed. Its simply sickening. I cant stand to see people in love, its simply sickening. Stop all the cuddling and shit. Dont brush her hair and dont bite his lip. She been working all day, dont rub her feet. His tired and hungry, dont make him dinner, order in him something to eat. Stop running that bath water, leave the trash and the dishes in the sink. Dont iron his shirt and fly off at the mouth with out stopping to think. Dont wash his car and dont put gas in her tank. Dont buy her no shoes, dont put money in his bank. Stop all this love crap. Its simply sickening.
As the sky turns dark and im alone with more of my thoughts i find whats even more sickening. This hurts but the truth is, Im in love with the idea of being in love. I miss the warmth of an embrace, a kiss and a hug. I keep a special place in my bed, a vacancy for love. I have this hunger thats never fed. Diamonds, shoes and food are the artificial version of big red. Theres nothing out there like it, to never love again, i'd rather be dead. There were times that i wanted to feel you so bad i settled for less than i should off. Its simply sickening. Its a 4 letter word that drives me insane. The rush i get from being in love is similar to the feeling of take off on a plane. I honestly miss you soo bad and cant wait to have you again. Its simply sickening.
Beautiful Memoirs
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