Schizophrenia

Ladies...Have you ever sat up in your bed and thought you had a mental disorder because of the multitude of emotions you felt after being in a crazy relationship with some man? Will i have. And i've come to the conclusion that im crazy. It cant be the men i date, there all sane! Its not them, its me. Im just a schizophernic!
I have been so happy, then so sad. Lets explore that said the psychiatrist. Well some times i question myself to the point of confusion. I try to see his point of view. But all i come up with is he's crazy or down right stupid. But nahh that cant be it, because when i first met him i distinctly remember saying to myself how smart he was. So it must be me. Maybe im too demanding. Do you think im too demanding doc? Well explain to me what you think is demanding about you she said. Ok well maybe i take myself way to serious. Maybe i ask too much of him. I thought asking him to occassionally take me out to a play or a movie was not asking too much but he never did it. I aslo asked him to call me once a day to touch bases but maybe i was askin too much. Then i had the nerve to ask him to by me flowers when it wasnt my birthday or any other holiday. Plus i wanted other things like respect, affection, interesting conversation, entertainment, fun, support, emotionally and financially, and real love, not just sexy time, but love making time. I wanted him to get along with my family. I wanted him to get his life together so we can work towards a future together. I mean we aint getting no younger, and this aint a high school musical. I wanted him to take me serious and not just see our relationship as going on a ride. But maybe its me, Im just too demanding. Another thing doc... Whats the deal with him choosing his friends over me. Let me explain. Its not like im trying to separate them, but it was our birthday week. Our birthdays are 2 days apart and he had to work on both mine and his birthday. I was understanding of that. So now the weekend comes and he's off. I get off work at 7:30pm and call him to see whats up and this fool is at his mans crib chillin hard! Is it me? I flipped out because i figured it was implied that we would celebrate our birthdays on the first given opportunity. He knew what time i was getting off but did he make plans to hang out with his boys during the day...noooo. He waits till i get home from work to go hang out, and then tells me that i hang out with my girls all time time. That may be but i dont do it on important days. And my logic says that if he had the slightess bit of sense he would see the difference. but he flipped it on me and im the nut case mean girlfriend. huh? how the fuck did that happen. and this isnt the first time he flipped the script on me doc, some how this always happens. I carefully think about why im upset before i approach him and yet he always makes me feel guilty. He's usually a reasonable guy so maybe i am over reacting...yeah its just me! Doc you know what also gets me? No please tell me she said. Its the money issue!!! What the fuck is the protocal doc?! Jamie foxx and kanye saying she takes my money,oh she a golddigger and NE-YO wants Miss Independent. Then i got T.I, Lil Wayne, and T.Pain on the other hand telling me i can have whatever i like and It aint trickng if you got it! Which one is it. If im a hambuger bitch its alright, here go $20, i can wild the fuck out at Mcdonalds and the dollar store. Now theres nothing wrong with the dollar store and Mcdonalds, i frequent both spots, but thats not really me. Im that Gucci wearing, take me to Bennihannas, i need gas and tuition money if you got it like that bitch. That being said...you cant come up in my face talking about it aint nothing to a boss baby , but get pissed and nervous when i put my hand out! Im confused Doc. Im not needy but i got needs and bills. Its a fact of life and if a man is going to be in my life i need more support than holding me up so i dont hurt my back or fall when im sittin and spinning on his dick! Can i get an Amen Doc! she laughs. So Doc...whats wrong with me? Im educated, ambitous, no kids hence no baby daddy mess, and im relatively attractive not to blow my own horn, I crack jokes, play video games and i love to watch sports...ok ok I like to watch sports....I even been to the female strip club, but im still single? So whats wrong with me? I know i come with some side effects but who dont? What do you think these side effects are she said. Well i have a tendency to cling to my man you know, not in a mole type of way but a hold you down type of way. I know i get a little carried away in the mall, especially around shoes but he dont complain when i leve them on, only when we get to the register and i look at him. I can buy my own shoes but damm that i like to be spoiled roiten. Its in my DNA and im not willing to change that, all i can do is return the favor. I have a tendency to keep my man to myself, that seems to be a negative thing nowadays, if your dating a man born after 1970. I like to sing along with my songs on the radio, i know niggas hate that, but i dont care. I cant stand when they leave the toilet seat up but they dont seem to care when i fall the fuck in. Doc whats wrong with me. The first 3 months are golden then they change up on me. All of a sudden they phone battey is dying in the middle of the day. He got to go help his mother move some furniture. His man is going through some drama and he got to be there for him...every night! Is it me or dont you smell the bullshit? I must but crazy! Men act civilized till they get enough of the sex then they flip. So if i want to keep a healthy relationship i got to ration it out? He gon complain about that one. Now if i unleash the freak on his ass its a problem. Im a Hoe because i do that too well. What the fuck Doc? Im going baazerk here! Who am i suppose to be. I cant be miss smarty pants because he going to feel dumb knowing im that much smarter, i cant be freak a leek, i cant be a gold digger, i cant be miss independent because then i dont need his ass for ANYTHING. I cant be ghettofab, cant be stush, i cant be too girly but i cant be a tomboy. Little does he know im every women and i got an S tattoed on my chest. I just have to kept it covered up. I really think i just need a man, a real MAN. A man that can keep up! One thats secure in his desires and our relationship. A man that knows being a player is not a long term life style. A man that knows a wife is just a romantic girl bestfriend for life. Here i go asking for too much again with my crazy strange delusional ass. Doc what do you say about my Schizophrenia. I feel so many things, i think i have multiple personalities. Can you prescribe some meds for this? Im getting tired of feeling this way.
Doc Says: Tatiana you dont have multiple personalites and you dont need medication. You just know what you want and your constantly weighting the price of settling for less versus holding out for what you really deserve. You are every woman. It just takes the right man to bring out the do right in you. Your beautiful and Inteligent. Hard working and romantic. You adapt to every situation your thrown into, and you struggle to stay on top. Your not crazy and dont let any man make you question the things you have defined about yourself so long ago. Just stay strong and be patient for patience is a virtue. Go on with your day. Keep a journal of your thoughts and we will discuss them next week.
I said Thank you Doc this was a very liberating session. See you next week.
Doc says: Bye Tatiana. Now just go on and get out of this Mirror.